#hank

a busboy falls into a bottomless salad. hank holds back the new guy "don't bother tryin to save him; he's gone.." the screams slowly fade

A man walks into an autobody shop and asks for a rim job. The mechanic gapes at the man for a few seconds and then asks, ""What did you say?"" ""A rim job!"" says the man. ""My buddy knows all about cars and he took one look at my wheels and said I desperately needed a rim job."" Realizing that the man was being made sport of, the mechanic felt that it was his solemn duty to keep the game going. ""I'm sorry, sir, but we're strictly front-end work only here,"" said the mechanic. ""For a rim job y…

A magic show... Two friends, Bob and Hank, are watching a magician perform. Mildly amused by the standard tricks and illusions they have seen so far, their attention perks up when they see the beautiful assistant come out from behind the curtain for the ""saw the lady in half"" trick. As she is climbing into the box, Bob leans over and whispers, ""That's some hot broad. I'd ask her out, wouldn't you?"" ""Nah,"" Hank says, ""I'd probably get the half that eats.""

The foreign tourist Hank and Frank are walking down the street. A flustered-looking guy comes up to them and asks, ""Parlez-vous francais?"" (Do you speak French?) They stare at him. He tries again, ""Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"" (Do you speak German?) They shrug. ""Hablas espanol?"" (Do you speak Spanish?) Nope. ""Parli italiano?"" (Do you speak Italian?) They shrug again, the man gives up and leaves. Hank says, ""maybe we should learn a foreign language."" Frank notes, ""that guy knew 4 and look wh…

Ask me these three questions and I'll answer... A musician sits in a bar, talking to his friend. He says to the friend: ""Ok man, you have to ask me thse three questions, and I will answer them: 1. What's your name 2. What instrument do you play 3. what is your weakness Ok?"" - Ok, the friend says. And he fires away: ""Question 1: What is your name?"" ""HANK!"" the musician answers. ""Question 2: What instrument do you play?"" ""THE DRUMS!"" the musician triumphantically shouts out loud. ""Allri…

A large plane crashed... A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried…

Furniture Delivery Hank is a furniture delivery man. Every day, he in employed by his company to carry sofas, tables, desk, chairs - you name it - all around town. Well, one day the ""Check Engine"" light in Hank's van turns on. Hank finds a nice little mechanic's garage nearby, and pulls in. The owner and mechanic, Federico, is a jovial man with a strong, thick Italian accent. He takes a look at Hank's van. ""Well-a you see-a, your oil-a is very low. I could-a do a change real quick-a, though."…

Two robbers, Hank and Jeff, break into a jewelry store. They start taking everything they can get their hands on without triggering the alarms. Hank spots a gold necklace with a huge emerald, the price of which would allow them to live in luxury for the rest of their lives. It was obviously well-secured, however, and Jeff tries to convince him that it's a bad idea and that the alarms will go off. Hank doesn't care and smashes the case and grabs the emerald necklace anyway. Immediately alarms so…

Brewers Convention There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order. Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so I'll have a Carlsberg." The landlord gets a glass, pulls a pint, and hands it to Nils. Hank says, "Gee, I've been at Busch for twenty years: I'm having a Bud." The landlord takes a bot…

The foreign tourist Hank and Frank are walking down the street. A flustered-looking guy comes up to them and asks, "Parlez-vous français?" (Do you speak French?) They stare at him. He tries again, "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" (Do you speak German?) They shrug. "Hablas español?" (Do you speak Spanish?) Nope. "Parli italiano?" (Do you speak Italian?) They shrug again, the man gives up and leaves. Hank says, "maybe we should learn a foreign language." Frank notes, "that guy knew 4 and look w…

A man walks into an autobody shop and asks for a rim job A man walks into an autobody shop and asks for a rim job. The mechanic gapes at the man for a few seconds and then asks, "What did you say?" "A rim job!" says the man. "My buddy knows all about cars and he took one look at my wheels and said I desperately needed a rim job." Realizing that the man was being made sport of, the mechanic felt that it was his solemn duty to keep the game going. "I'm sorry, sir, but we're strictly front-end…

How are teenaged boys like the enzyme helicase? They both want to unzip your genes! credit goes to Hank from CrashCourse on Youtube :)

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers. "Hi, is Hank home?" he asks. "No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies. "Would you mind if I wait?" he asks. "No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says. They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred dollars if I could just see one." Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She …