#google

*installs google translate* *looks at Arabic tweets for jokes to steal* *finds half my tweets doing better than mine*

I can't decide what's scarier, someone scrolling through the pictures on my iPhone or someone scrolling through my Google search history.

I get scared visiting the ghetto on Google street view.

i love that kanye gets into very specific beefs with ppl i have to google but he's nice enough to say both their first & last name

If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I'm going to tell you to google it and act like you're the stupid one.

A fish's Google search history: - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory? - do fish have short term memory?

I'd be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now

I'd enjoy your sports/movie/pop-star jokes a lot more if I didn't have to spend 10 minutes on Google figuring out if they're funny or not.

settle down twitter crush. i didn't ask your last name to google you. i wanted to see how it sounded with the names i've picked for our kids

When Obama declared war on Ebola, an executive producer at Fox News tried to find it on google maps.

I don't believe it, but Google insists I am the first monkey at a typewriter to bang out the phrase, "So thirsty I could blow a horse."

NOAH'S GOOGLE HISTORY 1) What is an ark? 2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark? 4) Are snakes necessary? 5) Is god real or am I high?

Happy 12th birthday to Google. Only one year left to use it, dears! When it becomes a teenager, it won't answer anything.

A Google Doc of friends' employment status so everyone knows who can chill whenever.

dont google horses wearing jeans unless you have a good 12hrs to spare

A scared look and a "let me go google that" is not what you want to hear from the gynecologist.

Google. Filling the gaps in public education.

i want a google chrome plugin that's a todolist manager and the way you launch it is, you visit twitter, but it shows your todos instead

Me:Siri, why don't I have any friends? Siri:*shows me my Google search history* M:Good call.

Shoutout to the dozens of people still trying to make Google+ a thing!

I'm thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there's this thing called Google now.

I told Siri to use Bing instead of Google.. We both laughed.

I typed something into Google on my phone then held it to my ear. I felt stupid at first, but now I'm kinda mad that that doesn't work.

I like to cover my tracks by ending all my Google searches with the word "hypothetically"

Before Google, people had to go out in the alley and yell "WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE MONKEY FROM ALADDIN?" until they got some answers.