#ellen

Sorry I'm late, guys. SOMEbody.. *gestures at wife* told me this knife fight started at.. *sees everyone holding guns* FANtastic, Ellen

I saved $38 by moving the fish tank in front of the TV during "Ellen" and telling my kids it was Finding Dory.

Sticky Situation Somewhere in the US a there is a University (obviously) and in that university there is a professor who have two students who always attend their classes. However that's about to change. P. S (i suck at openings) When the professor is teaching, he noticed that two of his students who always sit in the back, Tom and Ellen is absent. The professor shrugged it off and continued teaching thinking that those two have their own reasons. A week goes by and other lecturers mentioned tha…

tongued ellen told oprah on her show that ...she lost her first love to a well hung tongue oprah replied....gosh,that sounds like a mouth full

Ellen pao and reddit admins walk into a bar... Everyone was happy to see them and had a great time once they were there... Ill also accept ...and then the bar burned down...

I'd sit on Ellen Pao's face... ... Just so I wouldn't have to look at it.

Knock knock.... (Who's there?) Ellen Pao's Resume.

I let Ellen drive the bus... Pao! Atlest she was able to digg our graves.

Ellen Pao's credibility after VictoriaGate Oh wait, she never had any.

Ellen Pao's front teeth

Ellen pao Punchline is in the title whoops

A census man comes to the Appalachia mountains A man from the census, John, comes down from DC to go door to door to all the houses that didn't answer the census letters. The first house he goes to is up on the mountain, a real backwoods place. In front of the house he sees a three-legged pig, and thinks this is very odd. A man opens the door, and answers all of John's questions. John thanks the man for the time, and says, ""I just have one question, what happened to that pig?"" The redneck thin…

Ellen Degeneres Found Dead She Was Found Face Down In Ricki Lake :D

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section the child asked for cookies and her mother told her ""no."" The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss and the mother said quietly ""Now Ellen we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."" He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any …

I just met a girl named ellen she's the complete inverse of my e^(x)

Ellen should give away more stuff Then rename her show Ellen the Generous.

why was the computer late to work?,"because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen from her classic joke tuesday)

why was the computer late to work? because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

What is Ellen Pao's favourite piece of Malware? Ponzi Buddy

Why doesn't Ellen have a cooking segment? She's always eating out

Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate? Grinder (Thanks, Ellen)

"My, you look different today, Ellen!" said Patti to her coworker. "Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use – special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?" "No," replied Ellen. "My vibrator shorted out this morning!"