"My, you look different today, Ellen!" said Patti to her coworker. "Your hair is extra curly, and you have this wide-eyed look. What did you use – special curlers and some dramatic eye make-up?" "No," replied Ellen. "My vibrator shorted out this morning!"
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.
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