#vietnam

When I was 10 Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich. That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sen…

My mother went missing in Vietnam during the war... Momma MIA!

DRAGGING THEIR FEET Two men both drag their right feet as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, ""Vietnam, 1969."" The other points his thumb behind him and says, ""Dog crap, 20 feet back.""

Why is 6 afraid of 7 Why is six afraid of seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell …

Do you have to be from Vietnam to open up a restaurant called ""Viet Noms?"" I'm asking for a friend

Tractor Accident A guy named Matt was obsessed with tractors. He would enter tractor competitions, he would collect tractor figures, he loved tractors. One day he decides to enter a competition, but this time he is the judge. To win the competition, the tractor has to pull as much weight as it can up a 30m hill. As Matt was watching, the cable broke and swung around, hitting him in the leg. It was a very serious injury and the doctors told him he could never walk again. A few months later, he me…

My dad's dad joke a few moments ago My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past …

I was trying to think of a joke about Vietnam.... but then I realized people might find tet offensive.

A bit too dark possibly. The war in Vietnam started in 1955 and in 2015 The Charlie was finally massacred.

Vietnam ""The year was 1968. We were on recon in a steaming Mekong delta. An overheated private removed his flack jacket, revealing a T-shirt with an ironed-on sporting the MAD slogan ""Up with Mini-skirts!"". Well, we all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite understand it. But our momentary lapse of concentration allowed ""Charlie"" to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four…

In the 'Nam. (Rus. Trans.) The Vietnam war. A russian general is selling a vietnamese general some warplanes. ""See here,""- says the russian general:"" Push this blue button if you are losing a battle. Push this green button if you are really losing a battle. Push this red button only when you are really REALLY losing a battle."" ""Okay,""- says the vietnamese general:""We will take em."". A few days later a vietnamese pilot is flying on one of the new planes. Suddenly two american planes come …

What do you call a gay who actually fought in Vietnam and doesn't speak english? Russian

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WOULDN'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!! - Shorty

Why did all most of the black soldiers die in Vietnam? When the commander yelled ""GET DOWN"", they all started dancing.

There were a lot of entrants in the light bulb screwing contest They included hipsters, feminists, vietnam vets, narcissists, among others. The referee just sadly shook his head and said, ""Is this some kind of joke?""

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb YOU DONT KNOW MAN! YOU WERENT THERE!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE!!!

At the end of the Vietnam war An American and Vietcong General were discussing who would have won if the war had continued. Unable to agree they decided to hold a competition between the US Army, the Green Berets and the Vietcong. The competition was simple, whoever could catch a rabbit the fastest in the jungle would be declared the winner. The US Army went in first, for over a week all that could be heard from the jungle was the sound of machine guns and mortar fire. Eventually they came out a…

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975? 'Cause Charlie don't serf.

(Original)The Honest Chinese man A man in his early sixties visited Vietnam for his vacation. Upon clearing customs, the officer pulled him over to question him on his honesty: ""Mr. Wong, upon checking your travel documents we have found a mismatch in your immigration questionnaire and your passport record. You said you have visited Vietnam once in your past but your passport shows no such record. As an officer I cannot grant you entree unless you are being honest with us."" The Chinese man ins…

Sore Mccain My arms are so sore from the gym. I feel like John Mccain after the Vietnam War.

Why was Six afraid of Seven? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes he sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of that forsaken jungle. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the look on the boy's faces when he walked into that village... Oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remember's the smell of Brooklyns' cigar…

Not racist but this is one my brother told me Why were most black soldiers killed in Vietnam? Because when the Sargent yelled ""everybody get down!"" All the black people started dancing. Alright I'm done.

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? (From a comment in this subredit) YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!

Dragging your feet. Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, Vietnam, 1969."" The other points his thumb behind him and says, ""Dog shit, 20 feet back.""