#timmys

what's that lassie? "Bark" Timmy's in a well? "Bark" and he's jerkin it? "Bark" he's looking at what?! "Bark" dude I've heard enough

*Cop Dog radios in* We've got an armed robbery in progress "What's that boy?" An armed robbery on 5th "Timmy's stuck in a well??"

yes lassie? "bark" Timmy's in the well and you pissed in my slippers and you told me about Timmy first so I wouldn't get mad "bark" smart

LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash

*bark* "What's that Lassie?" *bark bark* "Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?" *bark* "Ooh, dinnertime."

The emailer who threatened LA schools claims to be "a Muslim extremist." That's like a student signing his report card "Timmy's Dad."

Tyrone One day in his third grade class, Tyrone asks his teacher if he can go to the bathroom. While he's in the bathroom, peeing, his classmate, Timmy enters and begins peeing in the stall right next to Tyrone. Naturally, he is a little curious, so Tyrone looks over the stall to see if Timmy's wee wee is as big as his. When he gets back to class, he asks the teacher, ""How come my wee wee is so much bigger than Timmy's? Is it because I am black and he is white""? The teacher answers, ""No, Tyro…

The Headmaster/Principle/Head teacher Once there was this fantastic head teacher, let's call him... Mr Johnson. He had single-handily turned around the fortunes of three failing schools in his city with his tight intelligent financial control, understanding of the school's inherent needs and great relationships with all staff/pupils. Recently he had accepted a job at the most run down, violent yet biggest school in the area. It was full of underprivileged children who were taking their poor upbr…

How Timmy Learned Math There was a little boy named Timmy who was horrible at math, and no matter what his parents did he just couldn't do it. So, Timmy's parents decide to send him to a local Catholic School which was said to be the best school in the neighbourhood. After his first day of Catholic school, Timmy sprinted past his parents and up the stairs into his room! He stayed in his rooms for hours in complete silence, only leaving to have dinner before rushing back upstairs! When his parent…

Timmy... Timmy came home to his parents one day after school, and goes straight to his mother. ""Mommy, I've got a drinking problem."" he says. Upon hearing this, his mom starts arguing with his dad about how his alcoholism got to Timmy, and the two got in a huge fight. On the verge of tears, his mother ordered Timmy's father out of the house, telling him she never wishes to see him again. After she calmed down, she went over to Timmy and gently asked him: ""So honey, tell me about this drinking…

It's Timmy's last day of school... Timmy brings an apple for Ms. Macintosh, a banana for Mr. Peel, a melon for Coach Honeydew, and so on. As the years pass by, the only one he really stays in touch with is Mrs. Cox.

Little Timmy's Dream Little Timmy has been having nightmares. He just dreamt that his grandpa Jack died. The next day he wakes up and his father tells him that grandpa Jack died. Timmy is agitated but thinks it was a coincidence. The next day, he has a dream that his friend Jane dies. He goes to school, and the teacher announces that she is dead. Timmy runs home and tells his dad that he has dreams that come true. He dreamed that grandpa Jack and his friend Jane died and they did. His dad tells …

Little Timmy's house cough on fire Timmy wanted to be the hero and grabbed his squirt gun. Do you know what happened to Timmy? He drowned! Moral of the story: Don't be a hero.

Timmy's Cream Cake So, little 10 year old Timmy is fast asleep and his sister is in the bunk above with her boyfriend who were going at it like Ready Steady Cook. They devised a secret language which they would use so that Timmy's family wouldn't know what was going on! Flour = Faster Water = Slower Eggs = Just like that ... So, they're going at it, screaming ""Flour, flour, flour. Eggs. That's it. More flour... water, ohh... eggs."" It goes on like that throughout the night until the pair decid…

The tale of Timmy... Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases and not to mention all of the tractor toys which he would lovingly play with every day. On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take him to a farm and let him ride in a tractor. Timmy was so excited as his dream of being in a tractor was finally becoming reality. After about 30 minutes of being driven round the farmer…

A little story of a boy and his dog Timmy's best friend was his dog. His dog was his only friend when his dad got a new job and they had to relocate. His dog was there to scare away the bullies when he was an awkward kid in school. Timmy's dog was even there as a shoulder to cry on when Timmy had his first broken heart. They grew from boy and pup to dog and man. They were as close as any man and beast have ever been. One day, as Timmy was out on a walk down the road with his faithful companion, …

In Timmy's art class, the students were learning about visual aids. The art teacher asked ""Now, can anyone tell me what visual aids are?"" Timmy raised his hands and said ""It's what happens when you don't use eye condoms."" [Source](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/39zrqk/the_multilevel_meta_joke/cs8c5zw)

The Purple Butterflies Timmy was on his way to school one bright summer day and had a giant smile on his face. His parents watched from the doorway, waving, and smiling as there son disappeared into this distance. On his way he meets up with his friends and they all begin talking. He looks over and sees a purple butterfly flying around for a moment, before disappearing behind some bushes. The bell rings and he runs inside. ""How are you Timmy?"" Lucy asks him. ""Good,"" he grins. ""Have you ever…

A Little Tale of Timmy (x-post from /r/long_jokes) Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases, not to mention all of the tractor toys he would lovingly play with every day. On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take him to a farm and let him ride on a tractor. Timmy was excited that his dream of riding on a tractor was finally becoming reality. After about 30 minutes of being dr…

Timmy is a big boy. Little Timmy had been riding the short bus to special ed for years, but had accomplished so much that his mother pleaded with the school board so that he could ride the regular bus and feel more like a ""normal"" kid. The first day of school for the year Timmy's mom sent him out to the bus stop on his own like a big boy. Timmy stood next to the road as the bus approached and waved his gimp arms and yelled ""hiya m m mister buuuhsderiver"" and the bus sped up and drove by with…

Little Timmy wakes up on his 10th birthday And runs downstairs to the kitchen and says ""Dad, it's my birthday, guess how old I am!"" The father says ""hmmm... Are you 10?!"" Timmy says ""yes!"" His dad says ""that's great son! Hey, why don't you go tell your grandpa in the living room."" Timmy goes in the living room and says ""grandpa, today's my birthday, guess how old I am!"" The grandpa reaches in Timmy's underwear, feels around for a good minute, pulls his hand out, smells it, and says ""y…

A short tale of Timmy Timmy loved tractors. When he was growing up his room was covered in them. He had tractor wallpaper, a tractor bed, tractor sheets, tractor pillowcases and not to mention all of the tractor toys which he would lovingly play with every day. On Timmy's 13th birthday his parents decided to take him to a farm and let him ride in a tractor. Timmy was so excited as his dream of being in a tractor was finally becoming reality. After about 30 minutes of being driven round the farme…

Timmy's April Fool's joke The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom. His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her. ""Mommy! Mommy!"" He says, frantically. ""What is it, Timmy?"" She asks. ""Dad hanged himself in the garage!"" The mom screams, then rushes to the garage, but nothing is there. She walks back in the house. ""Nothing is in the garage."" She says to him. ""April fool's!"" ""Oh than-"" ""He hanged himself in the loft.""

Purple Flower One day in school, little Timmy is sitting in class. Somewhere around the middle of class, Timmy's friend Jimmy leans over to him and whispers ""I dare you to say purple flower' to the teacher."" Timmy thinks ""What's the worst that could happen?"" and goes for it. He raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. ""Purple flower,"" he says. The teacher goes red in the face and yells ""I won't tolerate that kind of language in my classroom. You're going to the principal's office."" …

more dad-jokes (the limb-less edition) What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt. The neighborhood kids came to Timmy's house and asked if he could come out to play. "Shame on you kids," says Timmy's mom. "Don't you know Timmy doesn't have any arms or legs? He can't play with you." "But we're playing baseball and we need a home base."