#third-person

"This is not a drill!" -Lying electric drill that refers to itself in the third person

I would teach Honey-boo-boo to speak in the third person, just to hear what she'd say if she had a small cut on her arm.

Tried to "Catch 'em all," but who wouldn't get sick of that imperious little prick Pikachu always referring to himself in the third person?

POLLY GETS A CRACKER WHEN HE STOPS REFERRING TO HIMSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, and not a moment before. Stupid bird.

Not my original, pretty sure I got it from a movie. If anyone can recognize where it's from please share (told when a third person enters a conversation) So then I said to the bartender ""Liquor? I barely know her!""

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street cafe watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes they reappeared together with a third person. - They have multiplied, said the biologist. - Oh no, an error in measurement, the physicist sighed. - If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again, the mathematician concluded.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a biologist are sitting outside of a building drinking coffee ... They see two people enter the building, and a minute later, the same two people come back out with a third person along side them. The biologist exclaims, ""they multiplied!"" The engineer comments, ""No, it must have just be a calculation error."" The mathematician finally said, ""Look, it doesn't matter how that third person got there, but what we do know is that if someone enters the building i…

[NSFW] I always create female characters in third person shooter games Because if I am spending hours looking at someone else's back that should be a female.

3 people were stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean The first person is missing his family. His wife just had his son and he misses him very much. The second person is also sad because he had just got married yesterday. The third person however, can do nothing but smile. All of a sudden, a lamp falls out of the sky and onto the hands of the first person. Person 2: a lamp! Maybe there's a genie in it! Rub it! Person 1 rubs it and a genie emerges from the lamp! Genie: Thank you for freeing me…

A man walks into a bar... ""A man walks into a bar and the bartender says""... ...""Stop speaking in third person Jaqen""

Referring to one's self in the third person is really obnoxious, but you refer to yourself in the second person and it confuses everyone. It's probably why you have no friends.

A physicist, a mathematician, and a biologist were in the park eating lunch. As they eat they see two people walk into a house. After a while they see three people leave the house. The physicist says ""Simple, due to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, the universe has spontaneously created a third person."" The biologist says ""You've got it all wrong! The two procreated, thus creating the third person."" The physicist and the biologist look at the mathematician for his answer, and after a whil…

Stuck on an island... **Not my joke, but we had so much fun with this one.** One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals. the cannibals said, ""if you do what we say, we wont kill you"". so the 3 people followed the orders the cannibals. So the cannibals said, ""go into the forest and pick 10 fruits of the first fruit you see"". So the first person came back out of the forest with 10 apples. the cannibals said, ""put the apples up your ass without making a facial expression"". The pe…

Three people walk into a bar. First person: I want the largest glass of beer you have. Second person: You want the largest glass of beer we have? Third person: He wants the largest glass of beer you have.

Three loonies There were three loonies in an asylum. Their doctor said that they can go after looking after an animal each, they need to find out more about the animal. The first person gets a dog, the second gets a cat and the third gets two spiders in a matchbox. A week passes. The first person comes back and tells the doctor about the dog, the loony says ""it's great company, likes to eat meat and barks a lot."" He was then released. The second person comes back with the cat and says ""it lik…

3 people and a sadist are on an Island. The sadist tells everyone to find a fruit and return back at sunset. The first person brings back cherries, the sadist says ""If you want to live, stick it up your butt. If you make a noise, I will kill you, if you don't, you will live"". The first person does but he fails to keep quiet. He dies. The second person brings back an apple, and the same thing happens to him, but he makes a noise before it goes in. The third person comes back to find the other t…

A man named Arty walks into a Fry's..... And demands exactly $5 or he will strangle everyone. The manager refuses and calls the cops, and quite upset, Arty starts strangling people, only to be stopped at a third person when the cops show up, but he gets away unharmed and with the money he wanted. The press gets a hold of this story and sets it as the headline of every newspaper: ""Arty chokes 3 for $5 at Fry's""

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, ""Do you know where I can get scrod around here?"" ""Sure,"" said the cabdriver. ""I know a few places... but I can tell you it's not often I hear someone use the third-person pluperfect indicative a…

Walmart needs a new worker in an important position... So they're looking for the smartest person they can find. After months of elimination, they've come up with 4 people. So, they decide that they will ask a question and the person who comes up with the best answer will get the job. They call up the first person and ask him: ""What is the fastest thing in the world?"" After a few minutes of thought, the man says, ""The fastest thing in the world is a blink. Without doing anything, you just bli…

A long joke about a monastery and a strange noise. A travelling salesman is driving along a dusty backroad to his next sale, when his car starts belching smoke. He sees storm clouds coming his way and night is falling soon. Getting out of the car he looks around for shelter and sees an antiquated old monastery on a hill not 5 minutes walk away. He heads over and knocks on the door just as the rain starts falling and a kindly monk answers. "Hi, my car is broken down on the road" says the sales…

The noise A travelling salesman is driving along a dusty backroad to his next sale, when his car starts belching smoke. He sees storm clouds coming his way and night is falling soon. Getting out of the car he looks around for shelter and sees an antiquated old monastery on a hill not 5 minutes walk away. He heads over and knocks on the door just as the rain starts falling and a kindly monk answers. "Hi, my car is broken down on the road" says the salesman, "and I see a storm coming in. Can I st…

Mental real estate At a community gathering, a Wiseman noticed people looking confused and dull. To create a positive atmosphere, he decided to share a lighthearted story. He says “see if you build castles in the air and start believing it’s true we call this neurosis. If you start living in that castle we call this psychosis. When the third person comes and collects rent for it we call him as psychiatrist.” - Sadh-guru

A person in a lab coat places a glass half-filled with a yellow liquid in front of 4 people. Immediately, the first person pipes up, "Ah, I see the glass is half full!" This person is an optimist. The second person states, "Naw man, why would he bring us a half-full glass? He obviously drank some. It's now half empty." This person is a pessimist. The third person scoffs, "Why must you two argue? It's just a glass with liquid in it." This person is a realist. While the three of them bic…

The Mother Superior of a convent wakes up one morning feeling wonderful. She gets dressed and heads over to have some breakfast. On the way, she encounters Sister Mary. Sister Mary says "Good morning, Mother Superior. Did you sleep on the wrong side of the bed?" The Mother Superior responds "No, I'm feeling very happy this morning." Next, she encounters Sister Rebecca. Sister Rebecca says "Good morning, Mother Superior. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" The Mother Superior answers…

Three men appear in court, on charges of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. The judge asks the first defendant, "What were you doing?” Oh, just throwing pebbles in the pond.” The judge asks the second gentleman, "And what were you doing?” I was throwing pebbles in the pond, too.” "Sounds harmless," says the judge. He turns to the third person, "And you, were you throwing pebbles in the pond as well?” No, sir. I AM Pebbles."