#sir-this

I think I CAN wander the restaurant with my robe open and eat off of your plate, sir. This is Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family.

[walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again

Space Bar and the Robot A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, ""Sir, what will you have?"" The man thought a moment then replied? ""A martini please."" The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, ""Sir, what is your IQ?"" The man answered ""Oh, about 164."" The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', in…

Wife from hell. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "" I clocked you at 80 kilometers per hour, sir. This is a 60KPH zone!"" The driver says, ""Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep yo…

A group of church ministers start a bowling team. What do they call themselves? I was walking across the street at work today and an old man grabbed my arm, somewhat suddenly. I immediately thought he needed helped crossing the street, but he appeared to be moving fine, regardless of his cane. We kept walking as he held tightly to my arm. He started speaking, ""a group of church ministers..."" He stuttered. My thought at this point was that he was part of and/or simply looking for that group of …

An irish man requests a guiness ""One Guiness please"" -*""You must be Irish""* ""What, just because I ordered a Guiness? If I ordered a big mac would you think I was American?"" -*""Um, Sir..""* If I ordered a tortilla would you think I was mexican?! Racist scum!"" -*""But.. sorry sir.. This is a library.""*

The generals' stroll Two generals are walking through a military base when they notice a pile of dog shit in front of them. They stop, examining it ponderously and begin to debate. The debate stretches on and on until the taller and thinner of the two calls out to a nearby soldier: ""I say, private! Tell us what this looks like to you."" The private is confused but knows better than to ask and simply replies: ""Looks like dog shit, sir."" This sets the general's debate into motion again and they…

So a guy with a stutter calls the sanitation department Hello, this is the sanitation department. HH..HH...Hello...Th...th...there's a ddddd ddd dead horse here. OK, where is here? On DDD..DDDD...DDDD...D On Delaware Sir? Nnnnno, on DDD DDD DDD...DD On Dartmouth? NNNN NNO. on DDDD...DDD... Ok, sir, call me back when you can say the name of the street. <riiing> Hhhhhi. There's a DDDD. DDEa.. A dead horse! Yes. I know. What street? DDD....DDDD... On Delaware!? NNNNNO!! On DDDD...DDD...DD..DD…

Two men are walking by a restaurant Two men are walking by a restaurant and one of them says, "That smells amazing! Lets get something." The other man replies, "But they don't let dogs in, what are we going to do with them." The first man puts on a pair of sunglasses and has his friend do the same and says, "Follow my lead." He starts to walk into the restaurant and the waiter stops him, "You cannot bring dogs in here sir." The man gets offended, "Excuse me sir! This is my seeing eye dog, I…

Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed. Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, "I have a live grenade in my pocket. I'll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo." Perplexed, the stewardess said, "But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo." "Damn!" replied the blonde passenger, "I got on the wrong plane."