#sir-thats

I keep my friends close *lean in, whisper* and my anemones closer "Sir thats very fun but aquarium policy forbids sitting in the touch tank"

"What kind of dog is this?" "Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you?" "PUT MY SON DOWN"

Wife from hell. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "" I clocked you at 80 kilometers per hour, sir. This is a 60KPH zone!"" The driver says, ""Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep yo…

Well, that's one way to get out of a speeding ticket! A police officer pulled a guy over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. (Driving Under the Influence) Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was p…

A young guy goes to the Job Center in Charleston, West Virginia, and sees a flyer advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant at a Soothing Approach Gynecology Center. Interested, he wants to learn more. ""Can you give me some more details?"" he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up a file and says, ""The job entails helping ladies get ready for the gynecologist in a soothing and relaxing manner. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, th…

Helpful Comments A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ""I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."" The driver responds, ""Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep your mouth shut for o…

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right, but come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. Tha…

Marital Bliss! A police officer pulls over... A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ""I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."" The driver says,""Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting his wife says: ""Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please kee…

The clever boy Boy: Dear sir, I want to ask you something. Teacher: yes boy, ask me, what do you want? Boy: Sir, do you punish anyone for something they did not do? Teacher: No boy. Why should I? Boy: Thank you sir. That's a relief. I haven't done the homework. -

The man who cried wolf Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who o…

A Rookie Police Officer Pulled A Biker Over For Speeding. A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it. Officer: The motorcycle is stolen? Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun…

Came across this in defensive driving school... A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: Ther…

Waiter this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir thats because it was only ground this morning.

Waiter there is a fly in my soup ! Yes sir thats the manager the last customer was a witch doctor !

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Driver: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: The car is stolen? Driver: That's right. But come to think of it I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove box? Driver: Yes sir. That…

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself ""I'm a fire chief I'm not going to wait in line."" He went to the angels guarding the gates and said ""Let me in. I'm a fire chief."" The angels replied ""You'll have to wait in line like everyone else sir."" While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said ""CHIEF"". The angels popped t…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smiles dem…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, *‘I clocked you at 120 km/h sir.’* The driver says, *‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’* Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, *‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’* As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, *‘Can’t you please k…

A police officer stopped a car for speeding A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ‘I clocked you at 120 km/h sir.’ The driver says, ‘Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 100, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’ Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’ As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mou…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver replies, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting, the driver's wife says, "Now don't be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife s…

A police officer pulls over a speeding car… The Officer says, " Our patrol helicopter clocked you at 80 mph. sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?" The wife smil…

Rookie cop pulls over an old biker… A rookie police officer pulls an old biker over for speeding: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI. Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle? Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it. Officer: The motorcycle is stolen? Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there. Officer: There's a gun in the …

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir ." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. " Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?" The wife smiles…