#sir-but

I have a cut on my leg Doc "Yeah that legs gotta go sir" But its a tiny cut "Sorry, I cant save it" *sharks fake doctor outfit falls off*

Pig with a wooden leg... Little Johnny lived in DC when he was young, and his dad used to take him on weekend trips south into the Carolinas, so that he could see what ``real life'' was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there. His dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once, when he discovered this pig... It was a nice pig, as pigs go. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well, he was as curious as cou…

A man eats at a local restaurant abroad. He sees a delicious-looking meal being served next table. Puzzled, he asks the waiter, ""What are they having? It smells great even from here!"" ""That's our specialty here, Sir. It's the bull's balls from the bull fight this morning,"" the waiter replies. The man, wanting to make out of his vacation by trying out exotic cuisines, says, ""I'd get that as well. Thanks."" ""I'm very sorry, Sir. But the bull fight happens only once a day. If you'd like, sinc…

Wife's photo A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, ""Yes, I am."" The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife. The guy says, ""Sure..."" and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, ""I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."" The guy replies, ""I know, but she has a great p…

An artisan tea shop opens A man walks in and approaches the counter ""Hello, wow artisan loose leaf tea eh?""he says ""Oh yes"" replies the owner ""I though this area could do with some proper tea"" ""Proper tea"" the man says thoughtfully ""yes I agree! A cup of Assam to go please!"" The owner makes the Assam and hands it to the man. ""That'll be two fifty sir"" But the man has taken his tea and is heading to the door ""Hey! Where do you think your going!?"" Cries the owner ""I'm not paying for…

Court Room Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where …

A guy walks into a restaurant.. and says ""So I heard you serve lutefisk from a friend in town, can I get a plate of it? I'm pretty hungry."" The waiter responds: ""I'm sorry sir. But I believe what you heard from your friend in town about any lutefisk being served here was a lye.""

Excuse me Sir... But are you a bratwurst? ...you could be the meat between my buns.

Six shots of Jagermeister A young man sits down at a bar and says, ""I want six shots of Jagermeister."" ""Six shots!?"" exclaims the bartender, ""Are you celebrating something?"" ""My first blow job,"" replies the young man. ""Well, in that case,"" says the bartender, slapping him on the back, ""let me give you a seventh on the house."" The man holds up his hand, ""No offense, sir. But if six shots don't get rid of the taste, nothing will.""

One more please, before the trouble starts... said the gentleman in the restaurant as he ordered another entree in addition to his first. The waiter obliges, and returns a short while later with the item. After finishing, the man calls the waiter over and again asks ""One more please, before the trouble starts"". The waiter is curious now, but nevertheless obliges and returns with his order. Upon finishing, the man orders again: ""One more please, before the trouble starts..."" The waiter comes …

The New Young Salesman A manager at a General Store is teaching a young, newly hired boy how to sell people more than they really want. Suddenly, a man walks in asking for a bag of lawn seed. The manager walks up to him and says, ""Of course. But you will be wanting a lawn mower, too, right?"" The man asks, ""Why would I be?"" The manager replies, ""Because when the lawn seed grows, youll need something to cut the grass with."" Surprisingly, the man buys a lawn mower. Then another man walks in a…

The day finally arrived; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, ""Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."" Forrest respond…

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.” The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an …

A guy in his 80s walks into a bank… …walks up to a trekker and says, “I want to open up a damn checking account.” The teller says, “I can help you with that, sir. But please don’t curse at me.” The guy says, “What damn cursing are you talking about? I didn’t damn curse and I just want to open a damn checking account.” The teller says, “Okay, sir, I will be right back.” She goes to the bank president and says, “A guy just came to my window and is cursing at me. I don’t think that I should ha…

News story reminds me of old JFK "golden toilet" joke Read in the news that thieves had been charged with stealing a $6 million gold toilet and it reminded me of this "classic." For some reason one of the characters in this joke when it was told to me was JFK. The accent maybe made it more humorous. JFK is on a talk show telling the story of when he was hosting a large fundraising party at his home before the 1960 election. JFK: *And, uh, as I was socializing, a man approached me and said, "…

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. He opens it to find two policemen standing there. One policeman asks if he is married. He says, “Yes, I am.” The policeman then says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.” The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.”