#sir-its

You're right, sir. It's MY fault that your credit card was declined. Please, tell me again how much money you have in that account.

A man eats at a local restaurant abroad. He sees a delicious-looking meal being served next table. Puzzled, he asks the waiter, ""What are they having? It smells great even from here!"" ""That's our specialty here, Sir. It's the bull's balls from the bull fight this morning,"" the waiter replies. The man, wanting to make out of his vacation by trying out exotic cuisines, says, ""I'd get that as well. Thanks."" ""I'm very sorry, Sir. But the bull fight happens only once a day. If you'd like, sinc…

Jimmy, your composition ""My Dog"" is the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? No, sir. It's the same dog.

The Old Man and the Chef One day, an old man is out for a walk. His walk happens to take him through the local farmer's market, where a chef had set up a booth to make the freshest seafood he could. As the old man walked by, the chef pulled a still living fish out of a tank of water and set it on his cutting board. He raised the knife, when the old man stopped him. ""What do you think you're doing?"" ""Well, I'm making seafood,"" the chef replied. ""I can't exactly cook the food if it's still al…

Waiter! Waiter! This salad is frozen solid. Yes sir. It's the iceberg lettuce that does it.

Terrifying Story A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said "I didn't mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something." Taxi driver says "Not your fault Sir. It's my first day as a cab driver, I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years".

I walked into a bar once... I went into a bar once and ordered a drink from the bartender. He puts down the drink and a side of peanuts. I take a sip of the drink and I hear faintly, "Man, you have great hair!" I was a little freaked out by it, because there isn't anyone in the bar besides me and the bartender, but the bartender is on the other side of the bar washing dishes. I shook it off as me hearing things after having a long day. I take another gulp of my drink and again I hear the voice:…

A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver... so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window. The startled passenger said “I didn’t mean to frighten you, I just wanted to ask you something.” The taxi driver says “It’s not your fault sir. It’s my first day as a cab driver… I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.”

3 guys from Michigan go to Hell (long) Three guys from Michigan die and go to Hell. Satan, being the kind of guy who takes his job very seriously, always checks on new arrivals personally to make sure that they are uncomfortable and their eternal torment is going smoothly and so on. So he arrives at their cell and listens in for a few minutes. He hears the guys talking. "Man, Hell really isn't as bad as I expected!" "I know, right? Sure it's hot and all, but it's dry heat." "Yeah, no humidity …