#murray

[boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.

Casper The Friendly Ghost never haunted my house. All I got was his stupid cousin, Murray The Constipated Poltergeist.

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, ""Convert to Catholicism and get $100"". One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, ""Murray, what's going on?"" ""Abe,"" replies Murray, ""I'm thinking of doing it."" Abe says, ""What are you, crazy?"" Murray thinks for a minute and says, ""Abe, I'm going to do it."" With that, Murray strides purposefully…

A screwdriver walks into a bar... The Bartender says, ""Hey! We have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver says, ""You have a drink named Murray?""

Popemobile pulled over... So Pope Francis was on his tour of the world, when he came to US. As he was walking out of his grand hotel and getting into the popemobile, he turned to his driver and said ""You know, I haven't had a chance to drive in years. Ever since before I was a cardinal. Would you mind if I took the car for a spin? It would help me feel young again!"" The driver, being devoted and willing to do anything for the pope agreed, but asked where he should ride if His Holiness was goin…

A grasshopper hops into a bar... The bartender sees him and says ""Hey, we have a drink named after you."" The grasshopper looks up and says, ""You have a drink named Murray?""

With Murray testing free agency maybe the cowboys should pick up both Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson on the cheap! They would be a good one two punch!

A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer... ...the bartender says,""You know, there's a drink named after you."" The grasshopper replies, ""There's a drink named Murray?""

Percy Penguin is driving across the arctic when suddenly his car grinds to a halt. Fortunately he is close to a town so he takes it to a Murray, the Moose Mechanic. Take a walk round town Percy, says Murray, I'll take a look at it. 30 minutes later Percy comes back. Well, says Murray, it looks like you've blown a seal. No no no, that's just ice-cream...

A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Hey, we have a drink named after you!"" The Screwdriver responds, ""You have a drink named Murray?""

A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyllis, wife of Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice." Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, "You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!" Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"