#larry

Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. ""Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?"" ""Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst."" ""Oh god that's awful!"" Larry sympathises. ""Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon.""

A husband was dying Larry was in his deathbed and his faithful wife, Jane, was beside him, witnessing her husband's last moments. Larry looked at her and struggled to get his last words out. ""Jane, you were always with me in bad times: when I lost my entire fortune when the stocks crashed; when I had to amputate my legs after the car crashed; and even when I got cancer. Jane, I think you are..."" ""Yes, dear?"" Jane was in tears and drew close to him to catch the last words. ""I think you're a …

A couple of pals had the following conversation recently: ""Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?"" ""Yes, but you know how I've asked you the past 3 years for vacation ideas for me and my wife?"" ""Sure, I recall that."" ""I need to ask for something a little different this year."" ""Go ahead ... ask me."" ""Well, you know how last year you suggested Hawaii and when I returned my wife was pregnant?"" ""Yes."" ""And the year before that you suggested Bermuda and when I returned my wife was pre…

On little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!' The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat. Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, 'I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!' Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the …

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says ""Where in the hell have you been?"" He replies, ""I was out getting a tattoo."" A tattoo?"" she frowned. ""What kind of tattoo did you get?"" ""I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,"" he said proudly. ""What the hell were you thinking?"" she said, shaking her head in disdain; ""Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"" ""Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a whi…

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: ""What is the usual tip?"" ""Well,"" replied the youth, ""this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."" ""Is that so?"" snorted Mr. Smith. ""Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."" ""Thanks,"" replied the youth, ""I'll put this in my school fund."" ""What are you studyin…

Frank's wife goes missing Frank's wife goes missing and a week later he bumps into his friend Larry on the street. "Frank! How are you? You look a little worse for wear. Any news on your wife?" "Hi Larry, I'm alright. They said I should be prepared for the worst." "Oh god that's awful!" Larry sympathises. "Yeah I know right. I had to buy all her stuff back from the thrift shop this afternoon."

Larry A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Larry?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

Larry doing the math Larry was doing his math homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine…” His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?” Larry answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.” “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked. “Yes,” he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?” The teacher repl…

Larry at the police station Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? "

Larry comes home to find a gorilla on his roof. After calling several animal control numbers in the phone book, he finally calls a man who thinks he can handle this gorilla. The man arrives at the house in a white pickup truck with his dog in the passenger seat and a rifle in the back. He hands the rifle to Larry and says "So here's what we're gonna do: I'm going to climb up onto your roof and scare the gorilla off. Once he hits the ground, I've trained my dog to go bite his nuts and shak…

Earl and Larry are out hunting one day... They are tracking an elk and after a while, Larry, looks up and says, "Earl, do you know where we are?" "No idea," said Earl, " but I know what to do. If we shoot into the air three times, someone will hear it and come save us. " With nothing to lose, they shot into the air three times and waited. After several hours, and nobody coming to rescue them, they tried a second time, again to no avail. It was getting dark, and Earl suggested they try it on…

The 100 Dollar Tattoo. Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?" He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates" he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two…

Baseball A man, Tom was with his friend, Larry, Larry was about to die. "Let me know if there's baseball in heaven". said Tom. The next day as Tom was sleeping he woke up to Larry's voice. "Tom, I have good news and bad news." "What's the good news"? asked Tom. "There is baseball in heaven". explained Larry. "What's the bad news"? asked Tom "You're pitching Tuesday". said Larry

Today's Top Joke Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked, "If there is baseball in heaven will you come back and tell me?" Larry nodded yes just as he passed away. That night while Tom was sleeping, he heard Larry's voice in a dream, "Tom..." "Larry! What is it?!" asked Tom. "I have good news and bad news from heaven." "What's the good news?" "There is baseball in heaven after all, but the bad news is you're pitching on Tuesday."

A screwdriver walks into a bar... The bartender sees it and shouts out, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The screwdriver gets excited and says, "You have a drink named Larry?"

A couple good ol' boys decide to stop at a saloon on their way through a small town. It’s a crowded dive of a place and the only place to sit was a couple stools next to a spittoon. Bill and Larry were looking forward to some drinks, so they belly up. It quickly became apparent why no one wanted to sit there, as the tobacco-chewing regulars were constantly coming up to use the spittoon. Both guys are three sheets to the wind when Bill tells Larry he’ll give him $20 if he takes a single swig o…

Having had seriously bad breath for most of his adult life, Larry finally goes to see a Doctor about it. The Doctor examines Larry, takes samples of his saliva, tooth plaque and does a tongue swab. He asks Larry to return Tuesday for the test results. Tuesday, Larry is sitting in the Doctor's office, hopeful for a cure. "Larry", says the Doc, "Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at 50 paces. And yet none of the tests or my examination can indicate why." "Is there nothing I ca…

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Larry?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Larry is having his performance evaluation and his boss is showing his disappointment. He said, “Larry, you used to be a great worker, but for the past few months I never seem to see you working when I come by your office. What happened?” Larry looks at the boss and said, “Well, in August they carpeted the hallway…”

So I'm walking down an alley with my friend Larry

Larry the Fighter Pilot A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Larry A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Larry decides to go see a doctor He's been experiencing severe pain in his right elbow

Today's Top Joke Tom was at the hospital visiting with his best friend Larry who was dying. Tom asked