#larry

What does a parrot named Larry talk about? Vocabulary

Larry and Ken were playing golf together, but as they stood on the first tee, Ken looked distracted. "What's the problem?" asked Larry. "It's that new golf pro," said Ken. "I can't bear the man. He's just been trying to correct my stance." "He's only trying to help your game." "Yeah, but I was using the urinal at the time."

Jim lamented to his friend Larry that all the excitement had gone out of his marriage. "That often happens when people have been married for ten years, like you," said Larry. "Have you ever considered having an affair? That might put a bit of life back into your relationship." "No, I couldn't possibly do that," said Jim. "It's immoral." "Get real," said Larry. "This is the twenty-first century. These things happen all the time." "But what if my wife found out?" "No problem. Be upfront. Tell her …

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Larry Johnson. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Larry asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well" replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Larry, "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks" replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying in school?" asked …

A grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says, "Really? You have a drink named Larry?"

A man named Larry goes into a bar and orders a bottle of beer. Larry sits down and hears a bunch of noise in the background. Larry asks the bartender about the noise. The bartender tells him that they're playing barroom football. So Larry decides to go and check it out. He walks in and asks how to play and if he can play. A man named Joe tells him that in order to score a touchdown, you have to drink a can of beer within 10 seconds and to go for the extra point, you got to pull down your pants a…

Larry, a local football star, was jogging down the street when he saw a building on fire. A lady was standing on a third-story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. "Hey lady!" yelled Larry. "Throw me the cat!" "No!" she cried. "It's too far!" "I play football, I can catch him!" The smoke was pouring from the windows, and finally the woman waved to Larry, kissed her cat goodbye, and tossed it down to the street. Larry kept his eye on the cat as it came plunging down toward him. The feline bounc…

Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?" "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play …