#british-airways

Kinda of a shitty joke but...... Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: 'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto . The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So sit back, relax and..... OH, MY GOD !' Silence followed! Some moments later the captain came back on the intercom. 'Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you . While I was talk…

My girlfriend gave me some scented candles So my girlfriend was going away for a couple months so she gave me some scented candles and said ""light these when you are thinking of me."" So every time I would jack off I would light a candle. Eventually it got to the point where I couldn't do what I do without lighting one of the candles. Anyway the other day I went to the bathroom, lit a candle and started thinking of my girlfriend. Then the fire alarm went off and the flight attendant started ban…

""This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35000 feet midway across the Atlantic. ""If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. ""If you look out of the windows on the port side you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. ""If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean …

Recently, I was flying into Barcelona from London, and as we were descending to land we passed through some very dark clouds. The plane began to be buffeted by turbulence like I’ve never experienced before in my life. Suddenly, a blinding light exploded outside and an explosion of noise enveloped us. Lighting had struck the plane! The cabin erupted in screams and cries as the plane dropped hundreds of feet in a single moment, but the worse was yet to come. The strike seemed to have impacted th…

It was mealtime during a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers: "Would you like dinner?" "What are my choices?" said the passenger. "Yes or no," replied the flight attendant. You know you're in trouble when at the control tower, there's a note taped to the door that says, 'Back in five minutes.' Jeff Foxworthy