#bloody-mary

If you yell Bloody Mary into a mirror 3 times at 3AM, as loud as you can, your mom will appear and tell you to shut up and go to bed.

Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50

HEY. Our ancestors didn't eat brunch. They ate rocks. And fought dinosaurs. Ever heard of fire? They INVENTED it. Enjoy your Bloody Mary.

mad gf How do you know when your girlfriend is mad at you? She leaves the string in the Bloody Mary

A man walks into a bar and sits at a table. He tells the waitress, ""I'll have a Bloody Mary and a menu."" When she returns with his drink, he asks ""Still serving breakfast?"" She says yes. ""Then I'll have two eggs-runny on top and burnt on the bottom, five strips of bacon ON END-well done on one end and still raw on the other, two pieces of burnt toast and a cold cup of coffee."" Indignantly the waitress says, ""We don't serve that kind of stuff in here!"" The man responds, ""Funny... that's …

A guy walks into a bar, takes off his hat and places it onto the counter. A duck jumps out. The bartender asks, ""Can I help you, sir?"" The guy orders a shot. The bartender asks the guy if his duck friend wants anything, and the duck says, ""I'll have a Bloody Mary."" ""Oh! You're a talking duck!"" the bartender says. ""What's your name?"" ""Houie,"" the duck says. The bartender gets him a drink on the house then asks him how his day went. The duck says, ""It went great. I've been in and out of…

Three vampires walk into a bar... The 1st vampire asks the bartender for a Bloody Mary, the bartender complies and gets him his drink. The 2nd vampire asks the bartender for a Blood Orange juice, the bartender, starting to sense a theme, gets the vampire his drink. The 3rd vampire asks the bartender for some hot water. The bartender confused why the vampire didn't order some blood related drink asks ""How come you don't want any bloody-type drink?"" The 3rd vampire then pulls out a used tampon a…

They called their son Honest Abe, because he was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary...

They called their son Honest Abe, because his father was honest. They called their daughter Bloody Mary...

3 vampires walk into a bar The first vampire says ""I'll take a pint of A positive"" The second vampire says ""I'll take a Bloody Mary, let me go top shelf with the O negative"" The third vampire asks for a hot water. The first vampire asks him ""Steve you're not gonna drink anything blood?"" Steve takes out a used tampon and says ""I'm just having tea""

So drunk that if Dracula bit my neck right now, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.

Three vampires walk into a bar... The 1st one, quite thirsty promptly says to the bartender "I'll have a glass of blood, type AB-, on the rocks", quickly followed by the 2nd making his request for "A Bloody Mary, type B+" and lastly the 3rd one, after a little consideration, asks for "A glass of hot water please". The first 2 vampires immediately give a look of contempt to the 3rd one, one of them exclaiming "A glass of hot water? What kind of pansy order is that?". To which the 3rd vampire, …

3 Vampires walk into a bar... The first orders a Bloody Mary, the second orders a Blood on the rocks and the third orders a glass of hot water. The bartender confused, asks him if he's sure that's all he wants. The third vampire smiles, pulls out a used tampon and says "Yep, I'm having tea!"

A large man is seated in an airplane A large man is seated in an airplane, stuck between the arm rests, wiggling around furiously and looking uncomfortable in his seat. The flight attendant notices and approaches him, “Do you need help sir?” “Yea, I need a screwdriver!” “Right away, sir.” The flight attendant walks to the galley, finds the toolbox, opens it, and takes a screwdriver out. She returns to aid the passenger, who stares at her oddly. “What’s wrong?” she asks. The passenger rep…

3 Vampires walk into a bar... The first orders a Bloody Mary

How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary

How do you make a Bloody Nicole?,"Like a Bloody Mary but with a stab of OJ...

Why did the Bloody Mary need a restraining order? Celery Stalks.

Which Mary is it? The Bloody Mary

How do you make a Bloody Nicole? Like a Bloody Mary, but with a stab of OJ...