#thelma

Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU

"Alex is visiting later tonight." Alex from work or Alex the astronaut with amazing hearing? [From the moon] It's not me, Thelma. Hi Bob.

You're the Thelma to my Louise. The Ben to my Jerry. The Kanye to my Kanye.

Let's ask ISIS to be our Valentine Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. ""Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish,"" she asks, ""Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? Thelma's father thinks a bit then says ""No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"" ""The whole ISIS group,"" she says. ""Why them,"" her father asks in shock? ""Well,"" she …

Sevebty-year-old George. ... Seventy-year-old George went for his annual check-up. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said: ""But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"" A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said: ""Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims t…

George went for his annual physical. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said, ""But you know Doc, I'm blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I'm done!"" A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George's wife and said, ""Your husband's test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him whe…

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, ""George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"" George replied, ""God and me are very close. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (p…

70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, ""George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"" George replied, ""God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom (poof!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (poof!)…

Physical Seventy-eight year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God? "George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the bathroom and then poof! the light goes off! "Wow," commented Dr…