#technology

No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration.

"Get off the phone" "Wash your hands" "Pull up your pants" "Make me dinner" My son runs a pretty tight ship in our household

Curious that it's always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.

I would NOT want to have to pay Carly Rae Jepsen's phone bill.

I just spilled my last beer while reaching over to hit "ignore caller" on my phone. Why do bad things happen to good people?

The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but...they can't make a microwave that I can put metal in. Someone isn't trying.

Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.

I just long for a relationship with someone who doesn't make me feel like I'm missing out on something cool on television or the internet.

When I die I want my tombstone to say free WiFi so people will visit more often. I will also name the network "HELP, I'M STILL ALIVE!"

Tried to pick a booger off my phone screen. Ended up calling my mom, signing up for AOL and getting an online degree in refrigerator repair

True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically..

Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked? It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go.

"Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter

9-1-1 what's ur emergency "well i guess it's that one of my friends changed all of my contacts' phone numbers to 9-1-1."

If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.

If u had Hitler & a guy who doesnt mute the keyboard on his iPhone in a room & could only kill one, would u give Hitler the dead guys phone?

Sorry I was late. I got stuck in internet traffic.

If I show you a picture on my phone and you start scrolling, I'm gonna stab you.

Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out

Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.

'I Now Pronounce You Man and WiFi'

[text] "Hey" Hi. "I'm just laying in bed thinking about you." This is your mom. "New phone who dis?" Eric, that doesn't work. You texted me.

Just tore seven ligaments trying to avoid being handed the phone by my wife.

I'm the king of letting my phone ring for a while before I pick it up so it seems like I'm busy

[jail] ME: I want my phone call COP: Ok. Make it count ME: [dials payphone] [cop's mobile rings] COP: Hello? ME: Please let me go