#smiths

Kevin Smith's new movie looks awful. I think I'd rather watch a movie directed by Southwest Airlines.

Just been reading Delia Smith's recipe for scrambled eggs... Apparently ""they should be soft and fluffy."" No you daft bitch that means they've hatched.

SMITH'S QUESTION... One of our co-worker Mr Smith went missing for a few hours and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found Smith fast asleep. Rather than waking him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest: ""As long as you're asleep, you have a job but as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"" Should Smith wake up or continue sleeping? Drop ur comment fast

Jane Smith John Smith's wife, Jane, was very ill, so John brought her to the hospital, where he left her overnight. He returned the next day to pick her up, and the Doctor approached him. ""Good morning, Doctor. How is Jane?"" The Doctor responded, ""Sir, we had a little mixup last night. There were two women that checked in last night named Jane Smith. One was diagnosed with AIDS and the other with Alzheimer's. We are so sorry. We don't know which disease your wife has."" John is distraught. ""…

I never take risk while drinking It's long but read it .. This one is hilarious.. I never take risk while drinking When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen I stealthily enter the house Take out the bottle from my black cupboard Mona Lisa is looking at me from the photo frame But still no one is aware of it Becoz I never take a risk I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink Quickly enjoy one shot Wash the glass and again k…

What's Sam Smith's favorite type of nut? [It's an alllllllllmond](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB63ztKnGvo&feature=youtu.be&t=37s)

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said ""Great-uncle George occupied a chair of appli…

A lawyer, Jones, is questioning his witness, Smith, during a murder trial. Jones: Mr Smith, can you tell us what the deceased said before he died? Smith: Yes, I can. He said... Judge: Now hold on a minute. I'm not sure if it could be considered hearsay if I allowed Mr Smith to continue. ​ This led to a long argument between both lawyers and the judge regarding the admissibility of Smith's testimony. After a couple of hours of deliberation, the judge calls for a recess while he consul…

The Captain called the Sergeant in... "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Smith's mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So, the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant, "Johnson report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh, by the way, Smith, your mother died, report to the commander." Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant int…

Six guys are playing poker. After losing $500 on one hand, Smith clutches his chest and topples over, dead at the table. To decide who’s going to tell his wife, his buddies draw straws. Anderson picks the short one. “Break it to her gently,” they all urge. “Leave it to me,” he says. When Smith’s wife comes to the door, Anderson says, “Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.” “How much?” the wife yells, eyes blazing. “Tell him to drop dead!”