#merlin

And you think the queen isn't to be blamed? King Arthur was getting ready to go on a Quest. He was worried about leaving his beautiful Queen Guinevere alone with all those lonely Knights of the Round Table. So he went to his famous wizard, Merlin, for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful and said to come back in a week and he'd see if he could come up with something. A week later King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard wa…

What do you call a bulimic magician? Hurlin' Merlin

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine. Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight. That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''I kn…

King Arthur is heading off to war, but he's a bit worried about Guinevere alone in the castle with some rowdy knights. So he goes to Merlin who shows him a chastity belt. The problem is it has a large hole in the most important spot. ""This won't work,"" he says. Just then Merlin takes a stick and inserts it through the hole. Whap! A blade comes down and cuts the stick in half. ""Perfect,"" he says. After the King returns he lines up all the knights and makes them drop their britches. Everyone i…

[Request] Drinking or medieval jokes. Super bonus if both. They can certainly be offensive. I'll start. Going on a medieval pub crawl and offensive and/or drinking jokes get you to the head of the line at each bar. I'm hoping you can keep me in the front and my fellow crawlers entertained. But this is r/jokes, so here's ~~one~~ two to get us started: A king was preparing to ride off on a quest. Before he leaves, he locks up the queen with a chastity belt and calls in his most trusted knight and …

King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place, which made it basically useless. ""This is no good, Merlin!"" the King exclaimed, ""Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?"" ""Ah, sire, just observe, "" said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He ins…

Lancelot! Lancelot, the chief knight of King Arthur, wanted to spend some time with Queen Guinevere. He couldn't, however, get her away from Arthur, so he calls Merlin the wizard to help him. "I want to be with the Queen, help me" So Merlin pours some itchy powder in her underwear. Soon, the Queen starts to feel the effect. Arthur, desperate, calls Merlin to advise him on what to do. "Your majesty, this is an enchantment which only the saliva of noble knight Lancelot can cure. He must apply …

It's my cake day, thought I'd share my favorite joke I like to tell King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those Knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice. After explaining his predicament to Merlin, the wizard looked thoughtful, and said that he'd see if he could come up with something, and asked him to come back in a week. …

King Arthur King Arthur was preparing to go out on an adventure and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. But King Arthur was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those Knights of the Round Table. So he went to see Merlin to see if he had a solution. Merlin, the wizard, said he doesn't have anything now but to come back next week, he might have something for him then. A week later, King Arthur was back in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was sho…

King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Guinevere. The belt contained a miniature guillotine.

The great wizard Merlin was showing King Arthur his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place. "This is no good, Merlin!" exclaimed the king. "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect Queen Guinevere?" "Observe, sire," said Merlin. He then picked up one of his old wands and inserted it in the chastity belt's gaping aperture. As he did so, a small guillotine blade came down and sliced the wand in two. "Merlin, you are a…