#jay-leno

A man confided to a bartender: "I got really drunk last night and ended up snogging my best friend. It was so embarrassing – I couldn't even face taking him for a walk this morning." Starbucks announced that they are laying off a thousand workers and closing more stores. Experts predict that by the end of the year, we could wind up with just two Starbucks on every corner. Jay Leno

Laura Bush said to Dubya: "We have the weekend free, darling. What would you like to do?" "Well now," he said. "Let's think . . ." "No," said Laura. "Let's do something you can do, too." Bush said he is leaving Washington with his head held high, because it is the best way to spot shoes that are coming at you. Jay Leno

Two bankers were drowning their sorrows in a City of London bar. One turned to the other and said: "This credit crunch is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife." The economy continues to spiral. I saw a bank robber today being held up by a teller. It's so bad, I went to my ATM machine and it gave me an IOU. Jay Leno

Fearing that he would be late for an important business meeting in London, a motorist was beginning to panic because he couldn't find a parking space. Street after street was full, and growing ever more desperate, he decided to seek help from the Almighty. Looking up to Heaven, he said: "Lord, please help me out here. If you find me a parking space, I'll give up drink and women and go to Mass every Sunday." Then as he turned the corner, miraculously a parking space appeared. He looked skyward ag…

A guy from Anchorage lived in a house with no indoor toilet, just an outhouse. And the older he got, the further away the outhouse seemed to get, so that eventually he grew lazy and started peeing off the front porch. His wife was horrified and told him: "You do realize that the neighbours can you see when you're peeing off the porch!" He promised not to do it again but a few nights later, on a typically cold Alaskan night, he could not face the trip to the outhouse and so he went off the porch.…