#freds

There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE

At the deer lease The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, ""Man, what happened to you? He said, ""Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."" The next night it was a different guy's turn. I…

Chilli Testing!!! If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge 3 was an inexperienced Chili Taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springf…

Chili in Texas Note: Please take time to read this slowly. Read it all. Do not skip any sections. Do not skip ahead. Pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. Note: For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off around Halloween. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. CHILI, TEXAS STYLE !!! Note from Frank: ""Recently, while visiting Texas (I'm from Springfie…

Texas Chili Cook-off! Texas Chili Cook-Off If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Texas. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween co…

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary u…

Do you have a Category for LONGEST Joke? (ok maybe it's not a ""joke"", but it sure is funny) If you can read this whole story without laughing then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a majo…

With age comes wisdom. All the guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Leon , because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Leon and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, ""Man, what happened to you?"" He said, "" Leon snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."" The next night it was a different g…

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred a…

Fred's class was taken to the Natural History Museum in New York. ""Did you enjoy yourself?"" asked her mother when she got home. ""Oh yes"" replied Fred. ""But it was funny going to a dead zoo.""

Hello? Fred's Restaurant. Hello! I'd like to know do you serve crabs? We serve anyone sir! Come on in!

Teacher: You copies from Fred's exam paper didn't you? Pupil: How did you know? Teacher: Fred's paper says ""I don't know"" and you have put ""Me neither""!

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!

Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

Fred's mother was on the telephone to the boy's dentist. ""I don't understand it"" she complained ""I thought his treatment would only cost me $20 but you've charged me $80."" ""It is usually $20 ma'am"" agreed the dentist ""but Fred yelled so loudly that three of my other patients ran away!""

On Fred's 17th birthday his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car the father said ""Just one thing Fred. If you're going to hit anything make sure it's cheap.""

It is Fred's first day in prison. After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room. Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Wel…

Chili Cook Off {this TRULY should be a repost, but if not, enjoy...} Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that …

Farmer Fred fertilizes Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young' pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listen…

Fred and Mary got married Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent'shome for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and …

The guys were all at the Camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, sa…

Sleeping with Bob The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next…

Everyone knows Bob. Fred and his friend Bob walked into town one day. "Hey Bob!" one woman said in passing. "Lovely day, isn't it Bob?" said the next man that passed. After the third and fourth person to pass had all greeted Bob, Fred felt compelled to say something. "You sure seem to know a lot of people Bob" said Fred. "Everyone knows me." said Bob. Fred laughs. "Everyone? Hah, not everyone can know you!" Fred says with a chuckle. "Really, ill show you" Bob says confidently. Fred and Bob t…

Texas Chili Cookoff Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have …

Snoring like a bear The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's tu…