#father-christmas

Why does Father Christmas come down the chimney? It helps him slide down with ease,

If Santa is black... and he is called father Christmas, that explains why children can't see him.

Bad Christmas cracker jokes. Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them! What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer! Knock Knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws! What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause! Why was Santa little helper depressed? Because he had low elf estee…

How does father Christmas get away with suing everyone? The Santa Clause

What has antlers pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer! What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.

What is the difference between Father Christmas and a warm dog ? Father Christmas wears a whole suit a dog just pants!

Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge? Gnome : Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What does Father Christmas call his money ? Iced lolly ?

Father Christmas: Excuse me but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream? Lady: You certainly did! Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!

What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night? Freeze a jolly good fellow!

Dear Father Christmas could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!. Father Christmas: Can't do that one. He hasn't said what size his crocodile takes!

Dear Father Christmas this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door. Yours Sherlock Holmes Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes? Lemon-entry my dear watson.

'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!' 'Oh yes I can.' the elf said. 'Because tow 'Eds are better than one of course!'

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the toy factory.'Have you passed?' I asked. Father Christmas pointly proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for yourself!' he called proudly. 'No-el plates!'

One time Father Christmas lost his underpants. That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!

Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow! I'm on my way Father Christmas. Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on! That's all right! There's only one foot of snow!

I've had a slight accident with your sleigh Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!

Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees! Father Christmas: You mean 'The Three Little Figs'.

Doctor Doctor Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange! Have you tried playing squash?

Father Christmas: All right my good lady my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out... there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!

Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story? Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge! Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas? They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!

What's fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels? Father Christmas on roller skates!