#engineer

A blonde gets a job as a locomotive engineer... On the first train ride she engineers, things seem to be going smoothly. All of a sudden, the passengers feel an incredibly abrupt jerk as the train swerves off the rails, onto some grass, threatens to flip over to its side, chaotic bumpiness... but then corrects itself back onto the tracks. Who is to blame? Our beloved blonde, of course. Back at the station, the blonde's manager walks up to her and lets her have it... ""What do you think you were …

A mechanical engineer asks to his crush... Do have a manhole I could enter?

I went to the School of Engineering formal this weekend. Walked up to a girl... ""Are you a civil engineer... cause DAM GIRL!"" she went home with me...

An engineer went hunting... And found a set of tracks. He bent down to take a closer look and was run over by a train.

A structural engineer walked into a bar... ...this is when he realised his building design was flawed.

Nerd Joke A joke told by my physics professor when doing map transformations. A physicist and an engineer are in an experiment. They put them in a room with a pot, a sink and a stove and tell them to boil water. The engineer fills the pot, puts it on the stove and boils the water. The physicist does the same. Now they put them in the same room with a full pot of water. The engineer puts the pot on the stove. The physicist spends 15 minutes looking at the pot, dumps the water out and goes, ""NOW …

A software engineer goes shopping... A wife asks her husband, a software engineer; ""Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six!"" A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, ""Why the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"" He replied, ""They had eggs.""

An engineer is driving along a deserted road to his cottage... When his car suddenly stops. He goes out and tries to see if he can find the problem. When he opens the engine, he finds that a gas cylinder cracked open. Because he's an engineer, he gets a soldering kit out to see if he can patch it up. After he gets the soldering kit, a bus full of natives stops up beside him. ""Hey, what's up man? You need a lift?"" One of them says The man stops for a second, then calmly replies ""No, piston bro…

THE TEST A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test. The engineer went in first and was asked: ''''What is 2+2?'''' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''''4.'''' Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ''''4.0'''' Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ''''What do you want it to be?''''

72 virgins This was it. The suicide bomber was going to blow up the US camp. Little did he know that when he woke up he would be surrounded by 72 engineering students....

Did you hear about the engineer who was trying to truncate a table? They say his technique was cutting-edge

A man in a baklava that covers his face is robbing another guy... - ""GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!"" he yells as he looks menacing with a knife. The other man gives him the wallet, and the robber opens it to take the money out... - ""Only 3 dollars?, what do you do for a living?"" - ""Im an engineer"" The robber takes off the baklava and says: - ""dude... what year did you graduated?""

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: ""A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."" A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: ""I have lost my sense of taste."" Engineer: ""Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."" Doctor: ""This is Gasoline!"" Engineer: ""Congratulations! You've got your tast…

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, ""And what starting salary are you looking for?"" The engineer replies, ""In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."" The interviewer inquires, ""Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased eve…

The Story of Jed There was once a man named Jed, who had grown tired of the may-may culture. But he was at work in the engineering yard, and couldn't just turn off his computer or hide it. This was not the first time he had grown angry with it, and the last time he had destroyed his computer in a rage, so it was now replaced with a reinforced chassis for when he got angry. So he just drank a Mountain Dew for energy, took off his belt and began whipping his reinforced computer. His boss heard the…

Different strokes for different folks. Three guys are teeing up on the first tee, an engineer, a scientist and a businessman, when suddenly a perfect 10 of a woman walks up and is waiting for them. The businessman looks over and sees and invites her over. She declines. He insists. This goes back and forth until it's obvious he won't take a hint. She says, ""look. Every time I play golf with men then try to give me advice on every shot. It drives me nuts!"" ""Well I promise we won't do that. Come…

an engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a sheep A engineer, a scientist, and a mathematician are riding through Scotland on a train. Looking out the window they see a black sheep. ""Who knew that Scottish sheep were black?!"" exclaims the engineer. ""Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves,"" admonished the scientist. ""All we know is that one sheep in Scotland is black."" At this point the mathematician pipes up: ""Hey, both of you are jumping to conclusions. All we really know is tha…

An Engineer or A Doctor? An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: ""Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."" One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: ""I have lost taste in my mouth."" Engineer: ""Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."" Doctor: ""This is Gasoline!"" Engineer: ""Congratulations! You'v…

An Unemployed Engineer An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: ""Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000."" One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: ""I have lost taste in my mouth."" Engineer: ""Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."" Doctor: ""This is Gasoline!"" Engineer: ""Congratulations! You'v…

Engineer Manager joke Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife? ""Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise.""

[joke request] Civil engineering jokes, (Bridges, sewers, roads, engineers in general) What is the best joke you have related to Civil Engineering.

An unemployed engineer opens a clinic... An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: ""A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $1000; we'll pay you $2,000 if we fail."" A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $2,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: ""I have lost my sense of taste."" Engineer: ""Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 23 and put 4 drops in the patient's mouth."" Doctor: ""This is Gasoline!"" Enginee…

Today my engineering final exam friend please pray for me all is well. hhhhhhhhhh it's joke my wife birth a baby so it's my engineering

Teacher is asking his students what do they want to be when they grow up The teacher is asking their little students what do they want to be when they grow up. Kimberly! What do you want to do when you grow up? ""I want to be a dentist!"" she says That's very nice Kimberly, what about you Paul? ""Oh, I want... I wish to be an engineer"" Very sweet Paul! And what about you Charlie? Charlie: I want to be a son of a bitch! The teacher in shock asks ""But what are you talking about, Charlie? Why do …

An unemployed engineer gets lost while going to a job interview at the navy base Woops, wrong sub.