#stephen-hawking

You are more useless than... Stephen Hawking in a power cut.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady? And we will never know because he can't stand up.

What if Stephen Hawking was the real slim shady... But we didn't know because he couldn't stand up?

The Physics Department didn't like my Stephen Hawking jokes... ...They all got bent out of shape.

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

I tried changing my facebook name into Stephen Hawking but it said the username is invalid.

If it walks and talks like Stephen Hawking... It's probably not Stephen Hawking.

What's black and found at the top of a stair case? Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

Stephen Hawking is an inspiration He's earned millions in the past 10 years without lifting a finger.

Stephen Hawking believes he's solved a huge mystery about black holes ...and he'll keep believing as long as we all play along, ok? He's adorable.

What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion? Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)

I told Stephen Hawking a joke once... ...he couldn't stand it.

My Stephen Hawking book finally arrived from eBay. It's about time.

Stephen Hawking is going to hell... ... because there's only a stairway to heaven.

I think that Stephen Hawking is a con man.... My sister is in a wheelchair and she's as thick as shit!

Sarah Millican just called Stephen Hawking a good sport.

John Oliver interviews Stephen Hawking. John Oliver: ""You've stated that you believe that there could be an infinite number of parallel universes. Does that mean, that there is a universe out there where I am smarter than you?"" ""Yes,"" replied Hawking. ""And also a universe where you're funny.""

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Bartender: ""Why the long face ?""

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar...

What did Stephen Hawking name his new hair salon The Curl Up and Dye

I guess Stephen Hawking tried stand-up comedy recently He failed miserably.

I dated Stephen Hawking but had to break it off. He just wasn't a very stand-up guy.

2 ""black"" questions that aren't racist. What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire. What's black and screaming? Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

It's cruel that people make fun of the way Stephen Hawking talks. I use one of those voice boxes myself and can synthesise with him.

Stephen Hawking says we've got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn't even enough time for my girlfriend to pack.