#qa

Photo Album A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Is this you on the beach? Mother says "Yes, it is" Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the muscles and curly hair?" "That's your father." "Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

Have you heard the one about the three holes? WELL, WELL, WELL…

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass. (Haven't seen this on here, hope its not a repost.)

Heard about the two guys who stole a calendar? They both got 6 months

Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted! ~~I'm sorry~~

What does a gay Kraken eat? *Seamen*

Why do mermaids wear sea shells? Because they can't fit in d-shells. Edit: re wording

Why couldn't the man leave Moscow? He was Snowden.

An Irish Joke, that I did not initially get. I am Irish as well... How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None

So a woman walks out of a doctor's office and she stops at the door, looks back at the doctor and says : - What was it again ? Sagittarius, Capricorn ? - No ma'am, CANCER !

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew? Because one more, and it'd be too farty.

What do you find at the bottom of the lake? Bassturds.

Why did Bach have to sell his organ? Why did Bach have to sell his organ? A: Because he was baroque.

Why do crippled kids get picked on so much? Because they can't stand up for themselves.

What does a Chinese bear fry eggs in? A pan, duh!

What do you call it when the Speaker of the House is angry? .... A raging Boehner.

Why is NTFS healthy? Because it's FAT free.

Did you hear they invented a new kind of viagra for your eyes? It makes you look hard . Bonus related joke: Did you hear they're changing the name 'viagra' to a more technical medical name? Candidates are Micoxaflopin and Midixadrupin.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.

3 old ladies go to a baseball game with a bottle of liquor. They finish the bottle...what inning is it and what are the circumstances on the field? Bottom of the fifth and all the bags are loaded.

Kids jokes Q: What did the ocean say to the airplane? A: Nothing, it just waved. Q: Do old planes retire? A: No, they just get more turbulent. Q: Why did the young plane study so hard? A: He really wanted a higher education! Q: Did you hear the joke about the jet? A: It's over your head. Q: What do you call a flying policeman? A: A helicopper! Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner? A: A stamp! Q: What keeps jazz musicians on earth? A: Groovity! Q: Wh…

I think my wife is cheating on me I've never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home,…

Another Jehova's Witness joke A jehovah's witness knocks on a on a door and a man answers the door. The jehovah's witness tells the man, "I'm from Jehovah's Witness and I have some stories I would like to share with you. The man replies, "Sure, come on in. Have a seat on the couch. I just made some coffee would you like a cup?" The Jehovah's Witness agrees to the coffee and they both sit down on the couch. The man says "So what are these stories you would like to share with me? The Jeho…

How do you drown a hipster? Drag him into the mainstream.

A guy came up to me in the street today... ...and asked me if I wanted to enter a raffle for cancer? I thought, "what a shit prize..."