#phd

Thank god my brother's getting his PhD, I was running out of ways to disappoint my parents.

At the bar I got into a factual debate with another patron. He pulled the "I have a PhD" card. Now he has a PhD AND a fork in his eye.

FROM: Harvard SUBJ: Your PhD application We are unable to accept you at this time as "Teaching Squirrels Karate" is too cool for us.

People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie.

phd thesis: the amoumt of property damage depicted in a action movie is directley proportional to its budget

"You have a BA? Ooooh! Look at you! Well, I have a BA, an MA, & a PhD." - 3rd degree burn

Here's a broom go sweep the floors... 'Here's a broom go sweep the floors.' 'But I have a PhD...' 'Oh, I'm sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done.'

One day in a well known university, a senior psychology professor started his class on a very serious topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the whistler's name. As usual and as expected no one answered. The professor peacefully kept the pen in his pocket and picked up his bag. Saying that, the lecture ends here and that was enough for the day, he started moving towards the gate of the class. Students were overjo…

They should make a movie where a guy takes someone's Ph.D. thesis, edits it one paragraph at a time and turns it into a completely new thesis. It should be called Ship of Thesis.

What's the difference between a PhD in math and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four

What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family of four

I once held a PHD in the field of literature And then he asked me to put him down and pick up all the books I threw all over the grass

TIL that the current chinese president Xi Jinping, has a PhD in English literature. That's why the Chinese people call him ""The Great Reader"".

Become a PhD After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman After many years of studying at a university, I've finally become a PhD... or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it.

How do you make a venetian blind? Poke his eyes out Credits go to my 90 year old grandfather, currently completing his PhD

A PhD in Fencing would be pretty useful... ... if you ever had a backgarden dispute with a neighbor.

I should call you Dr. Cause you just got a PhD in gettin schooled.

I asked my Indian father for a PS3 He said ""No beta, it's pronounced PH.D.""

Just thought of this one. Two guys are sitting in a bar. One of them is getting close to receiving his doctorate, and he loves apples. So while the second guy is chugging a pitcher of beer, the other guy is snacking on a Granny Smith apple. ""Hey, I've been pretty sick recently, but I'm feeling better."" Apple Guy spoke up. ""Well, you know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away!"" Beer Chugger quotes. Apple Guy never got his PhD....

I got my PHD in scatology today. Reading all of those YouTube comments was a pain though.

What do you call a PHD in religious studies? Gods doctor.

My wife is so educated She has a PhD in yelling sciences.

My PhD candidate brother told me he is getting hooded in a few weeks. What a dumb ass- you can't undo a circumcision . . . . Woke up with this joke inside my head- original?

Why there are led lights now! Two physics PhD guys and mathematician PhD after a conference sit in a hotel lobby and having drinks. Suddenly the light bulb burns out over their head and maintenance guy comes and changes the light bulb. While changing it, he hands the burnt out light bulb over to the mathematician who puts it carefully on the desk. After the maintenance guy leaves he says looking at the burned out light bulb: ""You do know guys that if you put a light bulb in your mouth so that s…