#noah

Where did Noah park his fish? The carp-ark.

Where did Noah keep the Bees? In the Ark-Hives.

How did Noah get the animals on the ark? He pokémon!

Why didn't Noah let the Tasmanian devil in? He was not an archdevil.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? – Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

It was a quiet day on the Ark and Noah was getting bored, so he told his wife that he was going to relieve the tedium by going off on a fishing expedition. "That's a good idea," she said. "You could do with a break." Noah collected all his equipment and set off, but thirty minutes later he was back and still complaining that he was bored. His wife said: "I didn't expect you back so soon. If you're that bored, why did you stop fishing after only half an hour?" Noah said: "I only had two worms." W…

When Noah lowered the ramp of the Ark for all the animals to leave, he told them: "Go forth and multiply." All the animals left except for two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the Ark. "Why will you not go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah. "We can't," said the snakes. "We're adders." My favourite animal is the manatee, the sea cow. The manatee is endangered, and I think it's because it's out of shape. It looks like a retired football player. Jim Gaffigan

You know you are in a Texas church when, People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark. The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up. The restrooms are outside. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." When it rains, everyone is smiling. Prayers regarding the weather are stan…

Biblical Bumper Stickers: Adam: "You are what you eat." Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother." Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'." Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water." Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land." Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Balaam: "My second donkey talks!" Prodigal Son: "All roads lead to home." At the Sinai desert: "Winding road next 40 years" At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding"