#jim-gaffigan

After returning from a fishing trip with her husband, a wife told her neighbour: "I did everything wrong again today. I talked too much and too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more than he did." I don't eat fish because that's disgusting. How do you know when fish has gone bad? It still smells like fish. 'Hey, this smells like a dumpster, let's eat it.' Jim Gaffigan

When Noah lowered the ramp of the Ark for all the animals to leave, he told them: "Go forth and multiply." All the animals left except for two snakes who lay quietly in the corner of the Ark. "Why will you not go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah. "We can't," said the snakes. "We're adders." My favourite animal is the manatee, the sea cow. The manatee is endangered, and I think it's because it's out of shape. It looks like a retired football player. Jim Gaffigan