#gods-office

A man dies and goes to Heaven A man dies and goes to heaven, he goes to the gates and meets St. Peter. He sees a wall of clocks and. Ask ""what's with all the clocks? They all have different times"" St. Peter replies ""they represent people's lies. The more they lie, the more they turn."" He looks around and sees a clock that never moved and asks ""whose clock is that, it looks like it's still"" St. Peter replies ""That's St. Theresa's, she's never told a lie."" He then sees a clock and asks ""w…

Lenin headed directly to Paradise after he died He thought he had done a lot of good for the oppressed, so he deserved retirement in Paradise. He knocked on Heaven's door: ""Knock, knock!"" God shouted from his cosmically gigantic and perfectly spherical office: ""Who's there?"" ""Vladimir Ilyich Lenin."" ""Okay, okay! The last one in be sure to close the door. It's kind of cold in here..."" God studied carefully Lenin's dossier and decided to send him to the most suitable place: Hell. A short t…

An angel walks in to God's office while He's creating the world... and sees God drawing on his notepad a roundish thing with two eyes, a nose and a mouth. The angel says ""Hi God, what are you doing?"" ""I'm working on the human being,"" says God, ""But that's not due until the sixth day, today's only the third!"" ""I know, I'm just planning a head!""

St Peter, at the pearly gates receives a new candidate to heaven... ... and asks this soul what he used to do when he was alive. ""Well, I used to smoke pot A LOT, like everyday, so that's it."" St Peter is not amused because he does not know what pot is. ""Pot dude.. Weed, MJ, Marijuana, Grass, Dope..."" Still, St Peter never heard of it and tells the dead soul to wait a minute, for he will ask something to the boss. He goes to God's office to ask what Weed was and was surprised to see that eve…