#first-friend

I think my wife is having an affair with a horse. Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.” Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends …

Bob dies and his 3 close friends meet at a bar. They meet to discuss what to do with Bob's ashes. The first friend says "Bob and I used to hike a lot so I think we should scatter his ashes in the mountains." The second friend says "Well Bob and I used to spend weekends fishing. I think we should put the ashes in his favourite lake." Finally his third friend says "What you guys didn't know is that Bob and I were gay lovers. I want to take Bob's ashes and put them into my homemade chilli so I…

Two men want to get drunk... But only have 10 dollars on them. The first guy turns to his friend and says, "I have an idea! Let's go to the deli and buy a salami." The friend is confused but goes along with the plan. They head to the deli, buy the salami and finally head to the bar. They start drinking beer after beer and before they can pay their tab the first guy places the salami between his legs and says, "Here, suck on the salami and they'll kick us out before we even pay!" The friend comp…

joke Two friends were walking by when they saw a poster with a joke on it. It said "Are you cold at the moment? Come to the corner, it's 90 degrees." "Wow," said the first friend. "That's acute joke." "Eh, not really." said the second friend. "Actually it's all right."

A man wakes up in a hospital bed right next to his friend. His friend says to him "We're currently drowning in debt because the doctors just cured your amnesia!" The friend then asks the other friend "Oh no! How are we going to ever pay the bills now?" The first friend then has an idea. "I know! Give me 100 dollars and I'll buy a bat, then I'll hit you on the head with it and we can claim your insurance." So the second friend gives the first friend 100 dollars and he leaves the room. After …

The Genie (sorry if this has been posted before) Three friends are stranded on a desert island. All they want is to go home, but no ships have passed by and they are quite alone in the middle of nowhere. One day, one of them digs a hole and, to his surprise, pulls out a lamp. "Maybe it's a magic lamp. Rub it and let's see if a genie appears!" one of the men shouts. The man who found it gently wipes the grit from the lamp and, to his astonishment, smoke pours from the spout to curl around their …

Two friends lived in a Communist country. The first friend asked, "Comrade, if you had two houses, would you give one of them to me?" The second friend replied, "Of course, Comrade!" The first friend was happy with this answer. He then asked, "If you had two cars, would you give one of them to me?" "Of course!" replied the second friend. Overjoyed, the first friend then asked, "If you had two chickens, would you give one of them to me?" "No, comrade!" The second friend said. Surprised and…

Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes... The first friend says ""I wish I could catch a huge marlin"

Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money. The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says ""here's that money I owe you.""

There were two best friends who did almost everything together. Last week, the first friend says, “It's about time I lost some weight so tomorrow I'm starting a diet.” “Okay, I'll do the same” said the second friend. “We can help encourage each other to lose the weight and if I get the urge for some fries and a burger, I will call you first.” “That's brilliant” replied the first friend, “I need a lift to MacDonald’s as it is miles away!”

Ben and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed andthey weren’t mine.” His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.” Ben says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. “No I’m serious. The other d…