#craigslist

*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad

If you say I'm getting fat again Aunt Betty, I'll make a "anything for 5 dollars" ad on Craigslist with your name and number.

I hope this free massage guy from craigslist is on time.

Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist

We haven't spent a dime for snake food since I discovered all the free pets on craigslist.

me: I bet other husbands don't get put in timeout! wife: I bet they don't put their mother-in-law's phone number on a Craigslist ad either!

I'm never marrying anyone else that I find on craigslist.

Pretty sure Craigslist is just a secret genetics lab and they send out their failed experiments to come pick up the stuff you sell there.

I want to believe in hope as much as someone who thinks that somebody might buy their old used shoes on Craigslist for $20.

Met someone on Craigslist, guess I'm dating a grill now.

Scientists have a new working theory on what happened before the Big Bang. Your mom put an ad on Craigslist.

Quasimodo's had it. Sixty years climbing the steps. Sixty years ringing the bell. He's ready to retire, get a little house in the country for him and the little lady. Puts an ad on Craigslist ""Bell ringer wanted. Inquire Quasimodo, Notre Dame."" Next day, there's a knock at the door. Quasi opens it, looks out, there's no one there. Then he hears a voice coming from somewhere down around his knees: ""Excuse me, sir. Are you Mr. Quasimodo?"" Quasimodo looks down, there's a guy with no arms and no…

I found a cheap prosthetic arm on Craigslist Secondhand

The police station installed ""Safe Spots"" for Craigslist sales... Which is great because I always met in a park under a tree but it always seemed so shady.

I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist. A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

How did the Pharaoh feel after falling for a craigslist scam? Egypt

I bought an extension ladder from a recovering alcoholic on Craigslist... But it only has 12 Steps!

I saw a Craigslist ad the other day. It said looking to trade: Banana for scale

I like my women like I like my cars Fast, loud, used off craigslist.

A married couple decide to spice-up their love life by bringing another person into their lives. Naturally, they decide to post on Craigslist. ""WANTED: a very handsome, charismatic African American male to eat cereal with my wife every morning. I will watch."" Someone responds, they meet up and everything seems to be going well. The man asks the husband ""Why do you only want to watch me eat cereal with your wife?"" The husband replies ""Because I'm cuckold for Cocoa Puffs!""

I saw an ad on craigslist for a mama sheep, a ram, and a cat fetus all for sale for only five dollars. I said to myself, ""Ewe goat to-be kitten!""

""I cant drive after Dark. Too many Cops!"" - LOL Context: Friends conversation with a Craigslist seller. He is looking for a fish tank and/or wood. *Check it out*: [Mail chain link!](http://imgur.com/Vyo6vXf)

Have fun reading. This one's a long one. There's this guy in Florida, and he finds out that his uncle died. He inherits a zoo and he gets money to run it. So he goes to the zoo and it's so dilapidated. So he has a month to renovate, and he gets a big aviary, a big lion cage, and an aquarium. He uses all of his money on that stuff. It's a week before opening day. He realizes that he has no animals. So he goes on his laptop and finds out that the state of Florida has foster lions. He calls the sta…

No Arms, No Legs, No Problem A woman was in an abusive relationship with her boyfriend. He was horrible in bed and beat her all the time. One day, without notice, he walked out on her. A few weeks later, she put an ad on Craigslist that read ""Looking for a man who won't beat me, won't run away, and is good in bed."" A couple days later, a man rang her doorbell. She opened the door to find a man sitting on her doorstep with no arms and no legs. ""Can I help you?"" she asked. ""Yes Ma'am, I'm ans…

Craigslist A man placed an ad on his local craigslist: ""Wife wanted"". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ""You can have mine.""