#andlt

George W. Bush walks into a bar. The bartender asks ""what will it be?"" Bush gives the bartender a blank a look the bartender asks again ""what will it be?"" Where is the teleprompter? Don't kill me! This is my first joke :<

What does a bungie jumper and a condom wearer have in common? If the rubber snaps they're screwed. <----- this is a classic xD

How many scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Significantly more than zero, *p* < .001.

If you type a <3 but you end up with < you should go to the doctor because your heart is pounding.

My friend texts me and said she wanted a puppy or a baby. Either is fine with her. I said babies look like potatoes, and that she should go with a puppy. She said my reasoning for claiming babies look like potatoes was intentionally obtuse. I said, ""no, _/ <--- that's intentionally obtuse. Sorry, I know it's bad. I just wanted to share.

""<------------ people who don't want Ellen Pao to go."" --someone who's never getting to the front page

Chick on tinder < chicken tender

Because I'm Batman !-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag. --> <script type=""text/javascript"" src=""https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js""></script> <!-- Place this tag where you want the widget to render. --> <div class=""g-post"" data-href=""https://plus.google.com/100807871050380364530/posts/b3tDMJV2q3W""></div>

What color were eyes of the Astronaut on the Challenger when it exploded? Blue. One blue this way <---- and the other blue that way ----->

Orehs Rao Papa Beti se, F.s.c "" K baad Kya Karo gi? BETI: ( L.M.W.O) karun Gi PAPA: What?(L.M.W.O.) BETI, ""LOVE"" ""Marriage"" with """"Orehs Rao"""" Ye Larkiyan B na, Diwani hain tery dost ki ('-') <)( /_ Ab naam change kar k larki ke kismat kharab na kar dena... !(','),,, !(_/ / /__

101 Ways To Annoy People-Misc Joke 1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write ""for sensual massage."" 3. Specify that your drive-through order is ""to go."" 4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of ""Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."" 5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing …

Shortest maths joke < 0

From The Atlantic's ""Guide to 'Snapchat-iquette' for Millennials"": Rule # 5 of 8: > Don't send too many Snaps in a day, especially to a crush. You'll look stalkerish. One panelist capped it at ""5 per day."" < I remember when I was in high school, long before social media, and I used to mail 4 or 5 separate developed photographs of myself to the girl I liked, every single schoolday for a few months, until she made it clear if she was interested or not. That was the norm back then... Just…