Knock knock Who's there? Police. Your wife has been involved in a terrible car accident.

Driving Home Drunk An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. ""So,"" says the cop to the driver, ""where have ya been?"" ""Why, I've been to the pub of course,"" slurs the drunk. ""Well,"" says the cop, ""it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."" ""I did all right,"" the drunk says with a smile. ""Did you know,"" says the cop, standing straight an…

Some short drunk jokes A drunk was walking home in the middle of the night. He didn't notice one of the manholes was open so he fell down the shaft. After pondering his situation for a bit he said to himself: ""This sucks. If I don't get out of here in 10 minutes, I'm goin' home."" --------- A drunk climbed into a cab late at night and blurted at the driver:""Take me home, mah good man."" ""Could you be more specific, sir?"" asked the driver. ""Upstairs, second door on the left."" ------------ A…

Wife from hell. A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "" I clocked you at 80 kilometers per hour, sir. This is a 60KPH zone!"" The driver says, ""Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."" Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: ""Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."" As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ""Can't you please keep yo…