Some short drunk jokes A drunk was walking home in the middle of the night. He didn't notice one of the manholes was open so he fell down the shaft. After pondering his situation for a bit he said to himself: ""This sucks. If I don't get out of here in 10 minutes, I'm goin' home."" --------- A drunk climbed into a cab late at night and blurted at the driver:""Take me home, mah good man."" ""Could you be more specific, sir?"" asked the driver. ""Upstairs, second door on the left."" ------------ A policeman was doing a night patrol when he saw a clearly drunk fellow scratching a lamp post with house keys. ""Sir, what are you doing?"" ""I'm tryin' to get into mah house, Mr. Officer."" ""Sir, that's a lamp post, nobody lives in there..."" ""Liar! There are clearly lights on inside!"" -------- A drunk was stumbling around the street at night with his arm stretched out, holding something. A policeman saw this and stopped him. ""Sir, what are you doing?"" ""I'm lookin' for my car. Last I saw it, it was on the other end of these keys."" ""And why is your d*ck hanging out?"" ""Ah crap, I lost the wife, too?"" --------- A cop pulls over a car for drunk driving. The first thing the driver says when he sees the cop: ""I'm not police at all, Mr. Drunk.""