Discussing Funerals Three men are sitting around drinking coffee when a pastor comes up to them. ""Men, I want you to think about when your life ends. What would you people to say about you at your funeral?"" The first man thinks a bit and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good family man. That I provided for my wife and children."" The second man thinks and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good Christian. That I read the scripture and lived for the Lord."" The third man says, ""I hope th…

During a war, three soldiers are captured while fighting abroad... The captors have all three soldiers lined up in front of them, and the captors' leader stepped forward, holding a pistol with one hand while the other hand lays on a Bible on the table next to him. ""Before I execute all of you, I shall allow each of you to make one and only one last request. You cannot change it."" Glancing at the Bible, he swore, ""I swear by the name of Lord that your request shall be fulfilled, for we are hon…

90 Year old Ukranian man told me this one: Three men die of natural causes and are in line at the pearly gates, waiting to hear if they will be saved or damned. When the first man gets to the front of the line Saint Peter says to him ""You have been single all your life, so you will go to hell because your life was like heaven"". The second man is now at the front of the line and Saint Peter says to him ""You have been married all your life, so you will go to heaven because your life was like he…

Cheating wife A man has been suspecting his wife is cheating on him and decides he'll try to catch her in the act. One day he comes home early from work to find his wife all dolled up awkwardly sitting alone in the living room. ""Alright! Where the hell is he!?"" he screams. The wife claims she has no idea what he's talking about. The man goes into a rage and starts tearing through the whole place. He notices a man standing outside the apartment on the sidewalk. In his rage he is convinced that'…