A man is watching the news... And the news has a breaking alert, informing locals that the silver-back gorilla at the zoo has broken out. If they see the gorilla, they are to call the number listed on the screen if they see the gorilla. He walks into the kitchen to grab a beer and notices out his window, that the gorilla is sitting in his tree. He runs back to the tv, grabs his phone, and calls the number. ""The gorilla is in my backyard!"" He says. ""We will send someone right over."" Responds …

A horse walks into a bar. A horse walks into a bank. A horse drives a car. Welcome to horse country. There's shit everywhere please help us.

WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside.

The Tortured Life of a Tractor Enthusiast (Very Shaggy Dog Joke!) So there was this guy Dave, and Dave had always loved tractors despite being a city boy. Ever since he had been 5 years old he had wanted to own one in particular, a massive green John Deere with yellow wheels. For his tenth birthday his parents brought him a poster of this tractor and Dave worshipped it. He had this poster above his bed and would gaze at it for hours before he went to sleep. As soon as he was old enough Dave drop…