The Tortured Life of a Tractor Enthusiast (Very Shaggy Dog Joke!) So there was this guy Dave, and Dave had always loved tractors despite being a city boy. Ever since he had been 5 years old he had wanted to own one in particular, a massive green John Deere with yellow wheels. For his tenth birthday his parents brought him a poster of this tractor and Dave worshipped it. He had this poster above his bed and would gaze at it for hours before he went to sleep. As soon as he was old enough Dave dropped out of school to work as a farm hand, after slaving away for years he managed to save enough money for a deposit on his dream machine, a huge John Deere with yellow wheels. For a time he was blissfully happy, driving his tractor everywhere, earning just about enough for monthly payments on the tractor, food and booze. One night though, after yet another session at the local pub, Dave jumped into his tractor to drive home despite having way too much to drink. Inevitably it ended in disaster and Dave crashed into a reinforced wall. Dave promptly lost his licence and was left with crippling payments on his tractor and no way to earn the money he needed. Pretty soon Dave started to resent his tractor and vowed never to drive one again, he turned to drink and became a constant feature at his pub, staring silently into his pint. His life looked set to take a turn for the worse yet again, when one night in the pub he looked up from his pint to see thick black smoke billowing out of the kitchen, and heard screams as the regulars realised the pub was on fire. While the landlord was trying desperately trying to get everyone out of the pub, Dave would not budge. He started angrily at the smoke, thinking about how everything he loved was going to be destroyed, he was a shell of a man since he had lost his tractor and deep down he knew he would not be able to cope if he lost the pub too. Dave stood up, and wordlessly started breathing in. He sucked in the air, drawing in the smoke, but did not choke or stop breathing in; it was a feat of supernatural lung capacity. Soon he was starting to starve the room of oxygen and the fire died out. He then marched out of the pub into the fresh night air and breathed out; all of the smoke he had inhaled billowed out from his mouth in front of a stunned landlord and his congregation of regulars. When all the smoke had finally dissipated the landlord found the courage to speak. ""Dave, you have just saved my pub with the finest act of bravery and strength I have ever seen, I will forever be in your debt. I just need to know one thing, how on earth did you manage to inhale all that smoke and not die? It was unbelievable!"" Dave turned to him and said solemnly ""It's easy when you're an ex-tractor fan""