From an old National Lampoon record A guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his first act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his second act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. Just then, a guy in the audience says, I think I've heard this before. The comedian says, maybe you caught my first act. The man says, not lik…

Wondering if you might be a terrorist yourself ? Do the Terrorist Test here; YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."" 1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. 3. You have more wives than teeth. 4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon ""unclean."" 5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. 6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared J…

A joke my girlfriend's German grandmother told me. A drunk fisherman is walking home from the bar and is about to be very sick. He gets home but outside he vomits all of the beer he drank and all of the sausages he ate on the sidewalk. A few moments later while the drunk is gathering himself, a small dog runs up and begins eating the sausages the man threw up. The man, only now just realizing there's a dog in front of him, is confused. ""Okay"", he says to himself. ""I remember where I got the b…

You know you're Taliban if... You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer. You own a 3000 quid machine gun and 5000 quid rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes. You have more wives than teeth. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than s…