#vladimir-vladimirovich

Obama calls Putin. Vladimir Vladimirovich however switched on his answering machine. When Obama called again he got the following pre-recorded message: - Hello. You have called the direct line of the president of Russia - Vladimir Putin. I am currently away from the phone and unable to take your call. If you want to surrender, please press 1 now. If you want to threaten me with sanctions, please press 2 now. If you want to discuss the current situation in Crimea, please press 3 now. Please note …

Putin is woken up by one of his generals. The general says, “Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Ukrainians want to talk about surrender.” Putin replies, “Sure! Get Zelensky on the phone with me.” The general asks, “What phone? They’re right here!”

Putin is woken up at 02:30 in the morning. “Vladimir Vladimirovich, the Ukrainians want to discuss the terms of surrender." says Putin's secretary. Putin sits up on his bed and says: "Great, give me my phone, I'll call Zelenskyy." The secretary answers: "That won't be necessary, they are standing behind the door. Also, they gave us an hour."