#tommy-cooper

Tommy Cooper joke via David Sylvian out of Japan [From Guardian interview with David Sylvian](http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2012/mar/08/david-sylvian-gentlemen-polaroids-viagra?intcmp=ILCMUSTXT9387): > I like the old Tommy Cooper joke, the one that goes: Guy walks into a pet shop and says, ""I'd like to buy a wasp."" And the shop owner says, ""I'm sorry sir, but we don't carry wasps."" ""Well that's funny, there's one in the window.""

I went to the gym the other day... ...I asked the instructor could he teach me to do the splits. How flexible are you? He asked. I can't do Tuesdays. -Tommy Cooper

A classic Tommy Cooper gag * I said to the gym teacher: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' * He said: 'How flexible are you?' * I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.'""

Tommy Cooper gag A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor ""Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

Best Jokes - Funniest Jokes 50 Jokes Jokes 1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' 2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'' 3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra'' 4. A yo…

TOP 50 JOKES OF ALL TIME ;) 1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' 2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'' 3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra'' 4. A young blonde woma…

Was at the dentist the other day, he told me to say ""ahhhh"" I asked him why, he said his dog died - Tommy Cooper

A classic Tommy Cooper gag ''I said to the Gym instructor ""Can you teach me to do the splits?'' He said, ''How flexible are you?'' I said, ''I can't make Tuesdays'', was fifth.

Best 50 funniest jokes ever... 1. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'' 2. ''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.'' 3. ''Dyslexic man walks into a bra'' 4. A young blonde w…