#st-bernard

ST BERNARD DOG: [getting ready for work] Honey have you seen my barrel? WIFE: Which one? SBD: The little one I wear AROUND MY NECK EVERY DAY

GOD: Peter, you will be heaven's bouncer ST PETER: What the hell, I don't want ST BERNARD (whispering): Shut up or he'll make you a dog

It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard.

A man walks into a synagogue with a dog... A man walks into a synagogue with a dog. The Rabbi comes up to him and says, ""Pardon me, this is a House of Worship; you can't bring your dog in here."" ""What do you mean,"" says the man, ""this is a Jewish dog! Look."" The Rabbi looks carefully and sees, that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel around its neck, this dog has a [tallit](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Tallit-bag.jpg) bag around its neck. ""Rover,"" says the man…

A walk to the zoo. A man walks for four days to visit a zoo. The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. The dog looks like a St. Bernard, but the man is steadfast in his belief that it is, with certainty, a Shih Tzu.

Did you hear about the 13th century french dog that was a saint?... St. Bernard. Hiyooooooo.

While leading the Friday evening services the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation Bernie walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi horrified asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: ""What are doing here with a dog?"" Bernie: ""The dog came here to pray."" ""Oh come on."" says the Rabbi. ""YES!"" says Bernie. Rabbi: ""I don't believe you. You are just fooling around; that's not a proper thing to do in temple."" Bernie: ""Its true!"".. ""Ok"" says the Ra…

The bitch A man walks into a bar with a St. Bernard and asks for a martini. The dog requests a double martini. The bartender says to the man "So you're a ventriloquist. Big deal. We don't serve dogs in here." The man gets up to go to the men's room, and the dog again requests his drink. The bartender is amazed. "Good God, you can talk. Will you do a favor for me?" The dog replies, "What's in it for me?" The bartender goes to the cash register and takes out a $20 bill. "Here's $20. Go acros…