#seinfeld

Every "Seinfeld" plot would have been solved by a cellphone.

*seinfeld voice* What's the dill with pickles?

CASHIER: 300. ME: Ha, like the movie. CASHIER: Nice one, Seinfeld. ME: Ha, like the comedian. CASHIER: ... ME: Ha, like a mime...

I dont mean to sound racist, but why is my baby black? *doctor sighs for like 3 mins* "Sir, its an ultrasound" *Seinfeld bass riff for days*

Turning to an episode of Seinfeld and discovering it's one you've never seen is like finding a twenty dollar bill in your pocket.

The Jerkstore called.. I am under the assumption that everyone here knows the classic Seinfeld joke, ""the Jerkstore called, they're running out of you"", but was wondering if anyone has any more jokes to that degree? You know, like ""your cranium called, it's got space for rent,"" or like ""your village called, they want their idiot back,"" stuff like that.

Bee Movie came out nine years ago today. Seinfeld had been off the air nine years when Bee Movie came out. Seinfeld was on the air for nine seasons... And this Halloween weekend, since he can get away with it, Jerry is dressing as Hitler just so he can scream ""NINE! NINE! NINE!""

Best Classic Joke Ever... So Seinfeld says ""What's the deal with airline food!?"" LMAO

Kwanzaa and Festivus were both made up in 1966. One is a joke holiday that no one should take seriously. The other was featured on Seinfeld. hat tip to u/AudibleNod

Did you hear Seinfeld on political correctness? He really went on the offensive about it.

An atheist, a vegetarian, a cross-fitter and a Seinfeld fan walked into a bar. Said person took a seat and ordered their drink. *(Wait. . .said person? How do you know this single person possessed all of those qualities?)* Because they would not shut up about it. ___ I would have added feminist but there was a weight limit for people who could enter the bar.

My son said he didn't think Seinfeld was funny Turns out he's not the Wiz

What's the difference between a dentist and a sadist? Newer magazines. (Stolen shamelessly from Seinfeld)

Use this when a sales person calls you at your home I saw this on seinfeld last night: salesperson calls. seinfeld: Hello? salesperson: hi would you be interested in blah blah blah. seinfeld: actually im really busy right now but if you give me your house number i can call you when im free. salesperson: i actually can't give you my home number... seinfeld: oh, because you don't want people calling you at home? salesperson: yeah, exactly. seinfeld: well now you know how i feel! (hangs up) i am de…

A joke on telemarketers from Seinfeld **Jerry:** This isn’t a good time.

What do you call part of a poem written by a Seinfeld character? A George Costanza.

Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 7. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 8. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 10. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other!