#peg

Sea captain joke A young sailor is walking the docks and spots a sea captain, examining his deck. The sea captain has a peg leg, a hook and an eyepatch. The young sailor, curious, asks the captain "How did you get your peg leg?" The captain replies "Arrr it was a stormy night, and a gust of wind blew me of me boat. In the water a shark bit off me leg." The sailor then asks "How did you get the hook?" To which the captain replies "I was in a fierce sword fight with another bucanneer and the bas…

The freakin' weather Back during the days of the former Soviet Union, a fellow by the name of Gerald Chattington had a friend in the Soviet Embassy by the name of Rudolph Nosov, who would drop by occasionally. One evening, Gerald and his wife, Peg, were sitting in the kitchen chatting when Gerald looked out the window and said, "Look, it's snowing." Rudolph looked out and said very quickly, "No, I think it is just rain." "I'm sure it is snow," insisted Gerald. "And I am just as sure tha…

I saw a pirate on the street the other day "Oh my gosh, are you a pirate?" "Aye, I be a pirate." "Wow, cool! I see you have a peg leg. How did you come to need that?" "It was during a mutiny. Me crew threw me overboard and a shark bit me leg off." "Ouch. And your hook? How'd that happen?" "During the mutiny, boy. My crew threw me overboard and the very same shark bit me hand off, too." "Oh man. And your eye patch?" "Bird poop." "Bird poop?" "Aye. A bird pooped in me eye, and it was the…

Two Pirates My mom just sent me this one, thought it was good Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet 
in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.” “And yer hand?” asks Marty. “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.” “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?” “I was standin’ on …

The Deaf Wife Problem Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. 'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor. 'Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If…

A Pirate Joke that doesn't end with "ARRRR." A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?" "Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that …

Two pirates, Morty and sol are at a bar Sol has a patch over one eye, 
a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.” “And yer hand?” asks Marty. “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.” “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?” “I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.” …

A pirate walks into a bar with a wooden leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye patch covering an empty socket. After a couple drinks he’s chatting it up with fellow patrons when one finally asks what has been on everyone’s mind. “You’ve got a lot of scars, you must have some crazy stories. How did you lose your leg?” The pirate looks down at his peg leg and says “I saw the cannon fire, and before I could move it took me leg clean off.” “And how about your hand?” the curious man pressed on. The …

What does a lesbian pirate with two peg legs say to her girlfriend? Scissor me timbers 😂

Once there was a young man with a wooden eye. Now, he's very self conscious of his eye. Every year, the annual village dance comes around, and every year, he stands off to the side, feeling sorry for himself. This year was no different. As he's standing there, all melancholy, he spots a young lady with a wooden leg. She too is standing aside and looking sad. The young man thinks, "Now, I know I'm no prince charming, but I bet if I ask that lady for a dance, she'll say yes." So he works up hi…

A pirate limps into a bar... A pirate comes limping into a bar on a peg leg and orders a drink. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg.

The Deaf Wife Problem Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

What do you call a square peg that wonders if it could plug a round hole? Pi-curious.

What kind of coffee does a peg legged pirate drink? Decalfinated.

Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one!

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg- leg?” The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off.” “Wow!” said the seaman. “What about your hook”? “Well”, replied the pirate, “We were boarding an enemy ship and were battlin…