#jack-dee

Korean Koreans have recently brought out their own vegetarian version of an instant noodle snack. It's called Not Poodle. Jack Dee

A guy was sitting on the couch watching a romantic movie with his girlfriend. She was lying with her head in his lap. At the end of the movie, wiping back the tears, she said: "Give me a kiss." He said: "If I could reach down that far to kiss you, I wouldn't need you in the first place!" My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee

A man went into a bookstore and complained: "I bought this book from you last week – Cowards in History – and all the pages fell out." The sales assistant said: "That's because it's got no spine." I just found out we have a local library. They kept that quiet. Jack Dee

I was sitting in traffic the other day, which was probably why I got run over. Signs That the Car You Just Bought is an Old Wreck As you leave the used car lot, you see the previous owner rush out and high-five the salesman. You notice that the free car phone they threw in as part of the deal has a local breakdown company on speed dial. The coat hanger that serves as a radio aerial is described by the salesman as a "feature". You would take your car into the garage for repairs but it can't get u…