#disney

Look Disney all I'm saying is that if my stepdaughter brought a bunch of birds and mice into my mansion I'd make her clean up that shit too.

Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.

I don't use my hands when I change my tampon. I just sing a jaunty tune and the Disney birds come in and begrudgingly do it for me.

If Disney movies have taught me anything, it's that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects.

Someday future archaeologists are going to dig up Disney World and think it was some bizarre mouse-worshiping kingdom.

shoutout to Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations about love, talking animals and my singing voice

NORTH CAROLINA:We believe in family values. ME:Like Disney movies? NC:Exactly. ME:Like Mulan, where a cross dresser saves China? NC:...

Google, Microsoft and Disney are among suitors for Twitter Will it be Twoogle ? Twindows ? The Wonderful World of Tweets ? Be prepared

It concerns me as a parent that damn near every Disney movie shows kids if your parents die you'll become royalty and have a great life.

"Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures," I mutter after each rabies shot.

My son is fashion conscious and likes Disney show tunes. I think we need to have THE TALK. No son of mine is gonna raid my lingerie closet.

"Dave's coming for dinner tonight." "Dave from work or Dave who misquotes Disney...?" [from outside] "...hakuna banana."

My son wanted to go to Disney, but I told him little boys who ruin marriages don't go to Disney.

My wife dared me to yell out "HURRY UP HAYDEN" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn.

How does Disney decide who needs pants and who doesn't?

Chief Exec: Any Ideas? Writer 1: Talking Animals! Writer 2: How about a Princess? Writer 3: Kill the parents! -Brainstorming at Disney

Mickey Mouse just got shot at Disney World for being black.

I don't care about Disney lying about my Prince Charming. I'm more pissed about forest creatures and their unwillingness to clean my house.

Why is it called a "network of computers streaming Disney movies to cows" and not "Moo-LAN"

For some reason, the Disney movie "101 Dalmatians" was much more popular than it's sequel "Picking up Dog Shit for Eternity."

[Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World] Ok, show me this so-called "haunted mansion"

Pro tip: never tell a three-year-old that you're going to Disney unless you plan on leaving that very second.

I showed up at Disney headquarters uninvited I said I was there for a Rogue One cameo That's how I learned the security guards have Tasers

Two blondes are heading to Disney World, on their way there, they see a sign that says ""Disney World Left""... ... They quickly head left and have a great vacation at Disney World.

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up.