I judge parties by how close to dead my cell phone battery is when I leave.

[murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.

A Mechanical Engineer goes to Hell... One day a mechanical engineer woke up dead, and found himself in Hell, where he was greeted by Satan himself. Satan welcomed him to the place and asked him if there were any questions? After quickly looking around, the ME asked about the really beautiful island out in the lava floe, and asked why no one was out there enjoying the place. ""Well, to tell you the truth, no one has ever asked that question""...A day or two later, the ME came back to the devil an…

Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer. Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them. They each had four hours to write the best program they could and then God would decide the winner. Well they both got right down to business and wrote lines and lines and lines of code. But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder. The lights flickere…