Wife: Are you coming or not? Me: Is there gonna be alcohol? Wife: It's your grandmother's funeral! M:... Wife: NO! Me: Then I'm not coming.

A man and his boss are playing golf... one weekend when a funeral procession goes past. The man takes off his hat and stands silently with eyes downcast. He doesn't move until the procession is out of sight. The man's boss, an elderly gentleman, approves. ""You don't often see respect like that much among you young folk these days"" he says as they resume their game. ""Well, I thought it was only right."" Replies the man. ""After all, we'd been married for ten years.""

Nursing home Arthur is in a nursing home after the death of his wife and he feels depressed. Betty notices this and asks if there is anything she can do. He says 'well my wife used to sit with me in the evenings and just hold it for me. I miss that touch.' Betty is a game and a kind woman so she takes to doing this for him. Every night they sit in the garden watching the sunset with her just holding his manhood. Then one day she goes to meet him in the garden but finds Gloria, a new resident, in…

The secret to a long marriage A reporter was doing a human interest story for a local newspaper, and was interviewing an elderly couple celebrating sixty years of marriage. The obvious question the reporter posed was ""What's the secret to a long marriage?"" ""Oh,"" the man started. ""It's all about perseverance. On our honeymoon, we went to the Grand Canyon and rode on mules down the trail. Well, my new wife's mule bucked her off, and she fell on the ground. She just yelled, 'That's ONE!' and g…