Wife: Are you coming or not? Me: Is there gonna be alcohol? Wife: It's your grandmother's funeral! M:... Wife: NO! Me: Then I'm not coming.

A man's wife is going to kick him out of the house for drinking too much. Joe and his friends frequent one bar in town a lot and his wife hates it. She thinks he drinks entirely too much and it is causing a problem in their marriage . After one particularly long bender Joe ends up puking all over himself before he stumbles back home. Joe wakes up to his wife screaming at him. She threatens that he really needs to cut back on the drinking and if she sees him come home like this one more time she …

Two wives go out for girls night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning one husband called the other and said, ""no more girls night out! my wife came back with no panties."" The other husband said, ""you think that's bad? mine came back with a card in her crack that read ""from all of us at the fire station... we'll never forget you""!!

Ed the Chicken Ed came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife,and fell into a deep slumber. He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, You died in your sleep, Ed.' Ed was stunned. I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!' St. Peter said, I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Ed was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered w…