[phone] WIFE: Where the hell are u? ME: Well u know that jewellers where u saw that ring u wanted? W: OMG M: I'm in a bar not far from there

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband... A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. ""What are you doing?"", she asked. ""Hunting Flies"" he responded. ""Oh, Killing any?"" she asked. ""Yup. 3 males. 2 females"" He responded. Intrigued, she asked. ""How can you tell?"" He responded, ""3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"" *Incredible*

Installing a Husband. **INSTALLING A HUSBAND** Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. ... In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversatio…

A husband says to his wife... ""I killed 5 flies today. 2 were female, 3 were male."" Wife asks: ""How do you know?"" Husband says: ""2 were on the phone and 3 were on the beer can.""